Have I Got News For You

Joining Stephen Mangan, Ian Hislop and Paul Merton on the panels are Chloe Petts, making her 3rd appearance on the programme, and Andy Hamilton, returning to the show for the 28th time.

For this week's episode, the panels started with President Donald Trump's first major foreign trip since being re-elected, as he visited the Middle East, looking to broker peace and trade agreements.

"This is Donald Trump in the Middle East," Merton said. "He was in Saudi Arabia where he was talking about being very impressed with the gold palaces... and he's also been given a present of a jet - a Boeing 747 - which he's going to use for presidential purposes... and then when he stops being President sometime in the year 2036, he will have it for his own personal use," Merton joked.

"But he's out there promoting peace by selling everyone warplanes..." Andy Hamilton quipped.

"Worth $142 billion.... It's nice isn't it?" host Stephen Mangan said.

"That is according to him... the last deal he did, he announced it was worth $8 billion trillion, and it turned out it wasn't.... I mean I'm not saying everything he says isn't true, but... it isn't" Hislop joked.

"He said of the Saudi President, he said 'handsome guy, young guy, strong guy...' and it's like... Donald... you could get arrested for that there... you've got to be very careful..." Chloe Petts joked. "But I quite like that that's the metric by which he's ruling a country, by 'hotness'."

"Trump insists the Qatari's gift of a brand-new luxury aeroplane comes with 'no strings attached'" Mangan said. "...And the US presidential plane has been renamed Air Force 'You Owe Us 1'," Mangan joked.

"I thought it was going to be called 'Sleazy Jet'..." Hislop added.

"Qatar has presented Trump with a lavish gift in the form of a $400 million Boeing jumbo jet, described as a 'palace in the sky'," Mangan concluded, before continuing, "...prompting Camilla to say to Charles 'you may need to give him something else to go with the Duchy Originals marmalade...'"

Later in the episode, the panel turned their attention to Starmer's recent speech proposing changes to Labour's immigration policy, with the Prime Minister promising that his new plan will reduce net migration by the end of his parliament in 2029. He was criticised by some for claiming in his speech that Britain is at risk of becoming an 'island of strangers'.

"The Labour Party have decided that now is the time to get tough on immigration..." Hislop answered. "And Starmer made it absolutely clear that this has got nothing to do with Reform winning all the seats in the local election and losing the by-election..." Hislop joked. "This is what all new governments do in this country... they come in and they say we're going to stamp down on immigration, then they find out that quite a lot of industries need workers... particularly the care industry," Hislop said.

"We keep saying on this show that the number of illegal immigrants is very small, and the number of legal immigrants is very, very large," Hislop said. "The Conservatives let in, in 2023, 900,000 people. So if you're letting in a million people a year, in 10 years that's 10 million... in 20 years, which isn't that long, you've added a third again to the country. So... you do have to do something."

"Well I mean we have to show some Churchillian spirit, cause during the war we managed to stop the Germans getting here didn't we?" Merton joked.

"This is Keir Starmer's controversial speech on immigration," Mangan concluded. "Keir Starmer warned that Britain was at risk of becoming an 'island of strangers'... 'Good', said every Londoner not looking up from their iPhone...." Mangan quipped.

The panel then turned their heads to one of the lighter news stories of the week.

"What have Heinz changed the name of their Tartare Sauce to?" Mangan asked the panel.

"What was the problem with Tartare Sauce?" Hamilton questioned.

"Don't get me started Andy... It's now going to be known as, for some reason, 'Fish & Chips sauce'" Mangan said.

"According to Heinz's... and this is a real job... director of 'taste elevation', the sauce has been crafted to be the perfect companion for every fish-filled occasion," Mangan explained. "Is anyone here partial to a 'fish-filled occasion'?"

"How is the new fish & chip sauce different to the old tartare sauce?" Mangan asked.

"Is it exactly the same?" Petts joked.

"It is EXACTLY the same. The same basic ingredients as the original Tartare Sauce, and was described by Heinz as 'Tartare 2.0'," Mangan explained. "F*** everything," Mangan hilariously concluded, bemused at the seemingly unnecessary change.