Have I Got News For You

Richard Ayoade hosts. Jack Dee guests along with new Match Of The Day presenter Kelly Cates, who is appearing on HIGNFY for the first time.

Joining Richard Ayoade, Ian Hislop and Paul Merton on the panels is one of the new hosts of Match Of The Day, Kelly Cates, making her first appearance on the programme. Also: Jack Dee, appearing on the show for the 22nd time.

As noted by the Deadline website, the producers kept the cameras running a bit longer than normal during the recording so the panels could react in real time to the escalating tensions and suddenly very public online falling out between Elon Musk and US President Donald Trump, with Ayoade revealing Musk's explosive post on X to the panels and a shocked studio audience...

"Elon Musk has finally snapped after spending almost a year in Donald Trump's inner circle," Ayoade said.

"Is that a euphemism?" Ian Hislop quipped.

"It's also a medical condition..." Ayoade joked. "He said what he thinks of the President's plans for a massive tax cut."

"The 'big bill' - 'it's an abomination'," Paul Merton added.

"Yes, he's called Trump's 'big, beautiful bill' 'an outrageous, pork-filled abomination of a spending bill'," Ayoade concurred.

"And he's got a black eye as well. He asked his five-year-old child to punch him in the face, his five-year-old child is called 'X'... I think the phrase 'X marks the spot' has never been more accurately used..." Merton joked.

"Elon Musk and Donald Trump's war of words then bitterly escalated," Ayoade revealed. "Donald Trump said on Truth Social that Musk was 'wearing thin' and threatened to terminate Elon's governmental subsidies and contracts," Ayoade continued, before dropping the big reveal of Musk's retaliatory post linking Trump to the unreleased Jeffrey Epstein files. "And Musk hit back on X by saying: 'Time to drop the really big bomb. @realDonaldTrump is in the Epstein files. That is the real reason they have not been made public. Have a nice day, DJT!'" Ayoade revealed.

"We'll call it an amicable split?" Jack Dee joked.

"We don't know whether this is true, because our source is... Elon Musk," Ayoade commented.

"And a website called 'Truth Social', run by a liar..." Hislop said. "Sorry, just throwing that in to keep the lawyers awake..."

"I'll keep the lawyers awake... I say it's TRUE!" Merton laughed.

"Trump has also accused the BBC of lying about its account of what happened in Gaza at the aid centre," Hislop said. "Which is fairly extraordinary, a man who lied about winning the election, ends up thinking that the real villain in the entire Middle East is the BBC for reporting on shooting people who are starving... I'm just bringing that up."

Also in the episode, the panel discussed Keir Starmer's promise this week to make Britain 'battle-ready', in the UK's first strategic defence review since 1989. Starmer's plans would see the UK 'battle-ready' by 2034, planning to rise defence spending to 3% of the nation's GDP.

"We're at war!" Hislop said, satirically.

"Well, give it a moment, Ian..." Ayoade joked. "So this is the strategic defence review. What did Keir Starmer promise?" Ayoade asked the panel.

"Twelve nuclear subs. Ready to attack... someone," Hislop quipped. "I'm not sure who the enemy is now, it might be the United States."

"It's apparently anyone who thinks they're hard enough," Ayoade added.

"Anyone who shouts 'you and whose army?'" Hislop said.

"Which is great, because there's a load of 18-year-olds being sent over on their gap year to go and fight the war for us," Cates added.

"It'd be good if Russia ever attack Ayia Napa, we'll be ready for them," Dee quipped.

"But they're very good with computer games, so all the people that are playing Call Of Duty will now do it for real. They'll be fighting from home..." Hislop laughed.

"'Tea's ready!' 'I'm at war, I can't come now...'" Dee joked.

"We will fight them from the bedroom..." Cates added, impersonating Churchill.

Later in the episode, the panels asked Kelly Cates about the recent announcement that she will be taking over the presenting reins for Match Of The Day from Gary Lineker, as part of a new shared presenting line-up with Gabby Logan and Mark Chapman.

"Are you set for Match Of The Day, Kelly? Do you have Twitter?" Ayoade quipped.

"I did have Twitter, but I deleted it way before Match Of The Day. So that's not a temptation for me," Cates clarified. "But I did think the most sensible thing to do to distance myself from the previous era was to come on a satirical, topical news quiz," Cates joked.

"It's alright, I'll handle the Gaza questions..." Hislop chipped in.

"And you can do the 'Gazza' questions," Merton quipped to Cates.