British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 235

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 23rd June 2020, 7:00pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,083 posts

What's got 22 legs and runs? A soccer team eating curry.

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Thief Of Bad Gags

  • Wednesday 1st July 2020, 4:55pm
  • Rotherham, United Kingdom
  • 104 posts

A Farmer has two acres. He has an appointment to see his Doctor, tomorrow.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 1st July 2020, 5:15pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,083 posts

Worst synth player releases album. Cynthia Payne.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 9th July 2020, 10:37am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,083 posts

Worst people to talk to are set designers. Always making a scene.
Worst people to talk to are archaeologists. Always having a dig at someplace.
Worst band to listen to are One Direction. They're shit.

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Thief Of Bad Gags

  • Thursday 9th July 2020, 11:00am [Edited]
  • Rotherham, United Kingdom
  • 104 posts

Two eggs in a pub. They get beat up and they scrambled for the door.

(This may not be an original gag. Or, not a good one? I have checked though. I'm finding it disheartening to make an original gag. Is it the case for youself? Has every subject been covered and done?
There are comedians out there who are firing them off like bullets out of a machine pun (Gun) and I think shit I can't do that one now. )

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Rood Eye

  • Thursday 9th July 2020, 11:35am
  • England
  • 4,103 posts
Quote: Thief Of Bad Gags @ 9th July 2020, 11:00 AM

Two eggs in a pub drinking pints of milk. They get beat up and they scrambled for the door.

You don't need the pints of milk.

The joke works perfectly well (or at least as well as it ever will) with just the two eggs in a pub. Laughing out loud

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Thief Of Bad Gags

  • Thursday 9th July 2020, 12:24pm [Edited]
  • Rotherham, United Kingdom
  • 104 posts

Okay Rood thank you, will edit it

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 10th July 2020, 10:12am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,083 posts

I know a lot of old wives. They have some interesting stories, but I don't believe all of them.

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Rood Eye

  • Friday 10th July 2020, 10:35am
  • England
  • 4,103 posts

I know an old wife who has a 3-foot-long protuberance growing from her coccyx.

When she's happy it sways from side to side.

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Rood Eye

  • Friday 10th July 2020, 11:07am
  • England
  • 4,103 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 10th July 2020, 10:56 AM

Milking It?

A joke can be too complicated.

Sometimes, you find yourself up to your neck in details.

It's when they get past your eyes that you're really in trouble!

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Steve Sunshine

  • Monday 13th July 2020, 8:44pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,561 posts

I've been stealing garden ornaments from my next door neighbour
(Who shall remain Gnomeless)