British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 230

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 13th May 2020, 5:58pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,669 posts

Stevie Wonder? He could play piano with his eyes closed.

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Thief Of Bad Gags

  • Wednesday 13th May 2020, 6:06pm
  • Rotherham, United Kingdom
  • 29 posts

A Rotherham Engineering Company received a delivery of Viagra pills instead of PPE. An admin employee has apologised for the cock up

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Thief Of Bad Gags

  • Thursday 14th May 2020, 8:30pm
  • Rotherham, United Kingdom
  • 29 posts

A mobile phone said to the Doctor. 'I've got really bad indigestion.'
The Doctor said. 'Well, don't take megabytes then.'

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Rood Eye

  • Thursday 14th May 2020, 9:07pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,852 posts
Quote: Thief Of Bad Gags @ 14th May 2020, 8:30 PM

A mobile phone said to the Doctor. 'I've got really bad indigestion.'
The Doctor said. 'Well, don't take megabytes then.'

How about:

A mobile phone goes to the doctor.

It says, 'I've got indigestion.'

The doctor says, 'Stop taking megabytes.'

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Thief Of Bad Gags

  • Thursday 14th May 2020, 9:51pm
  • Rotherham, United Kingdom
  • 29 posts

Many thanks Rood Eye, yeah that's a lot better.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 15th May 2020, 7:45am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,669 posts

Freddie Mercury doing half-castrations. I said, 'Is It fun?' He said, 'I'm having such a good time. I'm having a ball.'

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paulted

  • Friday 15th May 2020, 8:57am
  • 127 Inkerman Terrace, Newcastle, England
  • 604 posts

I was nearly mugged last night by a goth and an emo. They pulled a knife and I said-"Lets face it, you're more likely to harm yourselves than me"

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Rood Eye

  • Friday 15th May 2020, 3:21pm
  • England
  • 3,852 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 15th May 2020, 10:28 AM

Jigsaw's keeping an eye out.

That joke was posted almost 5 hours ago and nobody has said, "I don't get it."

Is that because nobody is reading this thread?

Or is it because people are reading this thread, not getting the joke but being ashamed to admit it?

Or is it because it involves a cultural reference that I know nothing about?

Or is it because I'm having a particularly dim day?

It could be any of the above reasons but the fact is that I don't get it. :(

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 15th May 2020, 3:37pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,669 posts

Lucky you. You haven't seen the first scene of Saw 2.
John Lennon to Mussolini: Let me take you down... It was nothing to get hung about.

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Rood Eye

  • Friday 15th May 2020, 3:51pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,852 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 15th May 2020, 3:37 PM

Lucky you. You haven't seen the first scene of Saw 2.

Aha! It was an unfamiliar culture reference.

Carry on the good work Michael! Laughing out loud

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paulted

  • Friday 15th May 2020, 5:22pm [Edited]
  • 127 Inkerman Terrace, Newcastle, England
  • 604 posts

Elvis Presley ate himself to death with cake.
He was found face down - In The Gateau

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 15th May 2020, 6:15pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,669 posts

Elvis was upset when I accused him of misforming past participles. 'I'm all shook up.'

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Chappers

  • Friday 15th May 2020, 10:03pm
  • Surreyish., England
  • 30,933 posts
Quote: Rood Eye @ 15th May 2020, 3:51 PM

Aha! It was an unfamiliar culture reference.

Carry on the good work Michael! Laughing out loud

How can you carry on good work when...................

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 16th May 2020, 9:53am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,669 posts

Duke Ellington complains about the increasingly skinny models. 'Don't get a round tush any more.'