British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 225

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Alfred J Kipper

  • Sunday 9th February 2020, 12:02pm
  • Aldershot, England
  • 6,257 posts

How many foreigners can you fit on the Isle of Wight?

All of them if you put them through an industrial mincer.

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Rood Eye

  • Sunday 9th February 2020, 12:45pm
  • England
  • 4,103 posts
Quote: Alfred J Kipper @ 9th February 2020, 12:02 PM

How many foreigners can you fit on the Isle of Wight?

All of them if you put them through an industrial mincer.

That's a decent joke and you're technically correct.

The snag is that the pile of mince would cover the entire island to a height of about 20 feet.

Not a pretty sight.

And not a pretty smell when the wind blows towards the mainland. Laughing out loud

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 9th February 2020, 3:05pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,366 posts

What's the difference between Abbey Road and Abbey Road Remastered? 50 years.

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Rood Eye

  • Sunday 9th February 2020, 3:41pm
  • England
  • 4,103 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 9th February 2020, 3:05 PM

What's the difference between Abbey Road and Abbey Road Remastered? 50 years.

I have to admit I like that one, Michael. Laughing out loud

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paulted

  • Sunday 9th February 2020, 4:07pm
  • 127 Inkerman Terrace, Newcastle, England
  • 635 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 9th February 2020, 3:05 PM

What's the difference between Abbey Road and Abbey Road Remastered? 50 years.

Give it 10 years for the "money for old rope special edition"

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Stephen Goodlad

  • Sunday 9th February 2020, 4:26pm
  • Mirfield, England
  • 3,709 posts

Who would have thought that Phillip Schofield worked for ITV all this time and really he preferred BBC.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 9th February 2020, 7:25pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,366 posts

I refuse to make puns about menstruation, period.

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playfull

  • Sunday 9th February 2020, 10:02pm
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,853 posts
Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 9th February 2020, 4:26 PM

Who would have thought that Phillip Schofield worked for ITV all this time and really he preferred BBC.

Very good

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 11th February 2020, 11:10am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,366 posts

What's Pistorius' least favourite musical? Footloose.
What's Pistorius' least favourite state of inebriation? Half-legless.
What's Pistorius' least favourite group? One Direction.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 1st March 2020, 11:29am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,366 posts

Why is Coronavirus like wanking? You wash your hands after.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 5th March 2020, 9:05am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,366 posts

What's the difference between foot and dick? My mother doesn't like foot in mouth.

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Frankie Mildly Perturbed

  • Tuesday 10th March 2020, 8:52am
  • London, United Kingdom
  • 5,496 posts

I have always liked Corona, I see no reason to stop drinking it now.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 10th March 2020, 9:49am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,366 posts

What's the difference between Mrs Thatcher and coronavirus? Thatcher didn't close ALL the schools.

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Frankie Mildly Perturbed

  • Tuesday 10th March 2020, 6:03pm [Edited]
  • London, United Kingdom
  • 5,496 posts

The carpenter kept a closely guarded secret, he had a filthy vice.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 10th March 2020, 6:27pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,366 posts

What did the carpenter say to the plane? I'm gonna level with you.