British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 236

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Thief Of Bad Gags

  • Wednesday 22nd July 2020, 12:39pm
  • Rotherham, United Kingdom
  • 104 posts

Queen Victoria looked up to her Prince Albert where as Victorian S&M secret sex clubs looked down on theirs

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 22nd July 2020, 1:30pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,083 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 9th June 2020, 2:13 PM

I never liked Hooky, but then I saw the Light.

I never liked Steve and Gillian, but then I heard the Other Two, and I f**king hated them.

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Rood Eye

  • Wednesday 22nd July 2020, 6:22pm
  • England
  • 4,103 posts

Q. Why is Leonard Cohen like David Beckham?

A. They're both f**king awful singers!

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 23rd July 2020, 11:17am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,083 posts

What did John Lennon say to the Irish fencer? Nothing. He's dead.

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Rood Eye

  • Thursday 23rd July 2020, 1:30pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 4,103 posts

Racists often disguise their racism by being nice to and about black people.

So, if you're black and you have white friends who treat you as their equal in every way, they're almost certainly planning to lynch you.

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Stephen Goodlad

  • Tuesday 28th July 2020, 8:03am
  • Mirfield, England
  • 3,544 posts

At the Nestle confectionary factory, everyone cheered when a huge pallet of chocolate bars fell on a worker.
Asked why they all were jumping for joy a spokesman said - the man shouted 'the Milky bars are on me'

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Hercules Grytpype Thynne

  • Tuesday 28th July 2020, 8:24am
  • England
  • 16,928 posts

And as we hear a church bell tolling mournfully in the distance, we watch the tumbleweed roll past.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Tuesday 28th July 2020, 12:40pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,561 posts

During Wimbledon when Tennis balls go over into the Common
How many are recycled by the Wombles?

One ball in three.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 28th July 2020, 1:28pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,083 posts

I went to a short-sighted circumciser.
Can I have my ball back, please?

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Stephen Goodlad

  • Friday 31st July 2020, 7:55am
  • Mirfield, England
  • 3,544 posts

In a recent survey about what turns men on, it was discovered that kissing the nape of the neck was rated the highest.
Personally I think it's bollocks

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 31st July 2020, 1:41pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,083 posts

Freddy Mercury tried half-castrations. I said, What's it like? He said, I'm having such a good time. I'm having a ball.