Oldrocker was the first person to be Photographed in the UK not wearing a hat*. This caused a sensation at the time and caused hat sales to plummet the following year to one less than the year before. A position that the industry has never recovered from.

*This does not include poor people of course, most of whom had never even seen a hat, let alone owned one. And even if they had they would only have tried to eat it probably...Anyway next week '1963, Don Rushmore and the invention of the polo neck'.

Playfull won't step on airport travellators because he has a deep seated belief that he is in fact a Bishop chess piece, or at the very least descended from one and as such can only travel in diagonal lines. The coping mechanisms and strategies he's adopted in order to be able to live in a multidirectional world have inadvertently made him an excellent basketball player and he has been an NFL pro for around 4 years, which unfortunately means he is forced to bypass airport travellators a lot more often. He now campaigns on behalf of teh Perpendiculophobia society. He is famously quoted as rebutting Lady Hamilton who said he was being 'obtuse' to which he replied " lady hamilton, I am neither obtuse nor acute, I am exactly 45 degrees in any direction."

Danphobic was surprised when he went to chop his cucumber and discovered it was in fact his enema. Too late, he realised where the cucumber actually was.

Nogget works out of the dark and dangerous 'Hells kitchen' area of the seedy 'shambles' district in Leamington, as an unlicensed proctologist. Where for just a few bit coins he will sell you an out of date enema or perform a procedure of your choice, with or without gloves!

If you ever find yourself in the 'Shambles' and should meet the said Nogget DO NOT shake his hand without the protection of a Marigold, and never, ever, turn your back on him as I did.

Signed

Ben Turpin

Playful script edited House of Fools.

Well that explains that.....

Tim Azure heard that being a mule was a quick way to make a living, but a miscommunication led to an embarrassing encounter in the airport upon his return from Bangkok. Lets just say that it was pretty obvious he was trying to smuggle something into the country, but what baffles investigators to this day was how he was able to get the prostitute up his ass so easily.

NateSean travels everywhere by post in an envelope made of steam. Postal strikes are what he fears more than anything in the world because it stops him getting to his job at the rusty glove factory and his boss hates lateness more than he hates fart dust, which is a LOT.

Danphobic went down to Georgia, he was looking for a soul to steal, he was in a bind, 'cos he was well behind and he was willing to make a deal.

Will Cam is the countries premier speechwriter for the premierships premier footballers & managers. He first burst onto the scene with Cantonar's famous 'trawler' ramblings. Then gained a reputation penning the 'do you know who I am' and 'where did he get five extra minutes from' lines for Fergusson. He is personally most proud of his 'I would love it if we beat them' emotional public breakdown/outburst delivered by Keegan whilst boss of Newcastle United.

He would not however be drawn on whether Venga's 'I didn't see that from where I was sitting' was one of his, as he says client confidentiality is his higest priority and vital in his line of work though he did let slip he was working on J** C**** coming out speech.

Quote: Will Cam @ 30th January 2014, 9:00 AM GMT

Playful script edited House of Fools.

Well that explains that.....

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That is going on my CV if I ever get one!

Quote: playfull @ 30th January 2014, 3:43 PM GMT

That is going on my CV if I ever get one!

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CV is an acronym for "Cock-Van Gogh". As we all know, "Van Gogh" is a slang expression for a tattoo...which means playfull is thinking about getting a penis tattoo.

Gordon Bennett offers a very reasonable service where he will Tattoo a larger penis onto your existing penis.

Be warned though this is a very painful procedure as he insists on holding the penis by the foreskin with his teeth while he works...

Quote: Gordon Bennett @ 30th January 2014, 3:54 PM GMT

playfull is thinking about getting a penis tattoo.

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I actually said I was thinking of getting a penis too (to match my wife's).

playfull has just subscribed to What Penis? magazine

Despite having two of them, Tuumble is very Non-U.

Beaky suffers from an unusual condition of the inner ear that leads him to believe up is down and down is up. consequently he believes planes travel underground and that Ronnie Corbett is the worlds tallest comic, dwarfing even Janette Krankie.

This condition has had both positive and catastrophic consequences.

It saved his life when he tried to commit suicide by throwing himself out of the basement of an eleven story building. But it has caused untold chaos in the financial world as he is the chief economic forecaster for RBS and insists his charts prove the bank has been going through the greatest period of sustained growth in the banks history.

Quote: Tuumble @ 30th January 2014, 4:20 PM GMT

playfull has just subscribed to What Penis? magazine

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Bugger! I thought I had subscribed to the Gay BNP magazine 'White Penis'...

Playfull plays with himself...