Quote: St John Morris @ 30th March 2014, 10:14 PM BST

Yes, I have no idea why I thought it was Dave. Maybe I was on page 3 or something and used quick reply, not realising that I wasn't on the last page of the thread. Having said that, surely the creativity of the post is more important than the accuracy of about whom the claim is made. I'll just change the name...there, still works. Drama over.

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Calm down dear, this is supposed to be a simple light hearted thread - you are the one who turned it into a drama.

Hercules went to the chemist today to buy some Anusol cream

But he was too embarrassed to ask for it

He bought 27 packets of extra strong, banana flavoured Durex condoms instead

Lofthouse has the ability to hack other posters messages and fill them with garbled shotgun bird DM yes chu center chm on DX QC KFC.

Nogget makes sense.

Oldrocker actually died in 1973

He didn't let it effect his life though and he still went on to become the nations leading expert on rhubarb farming

The real lofthouse is stuffed and exhibited in Kettering Natural History Museum, the one posting on here is a body double hired at enormous expense from a top Hollywood agency.

Beaky has perfected a drawing technique which involves snorting ink, and then sneezing it out onto the paper.

Nogget sits in a sling between Christiano Ronaldo's anus and testicle (nobody knew he only had one). He tried to get hold of Max Clifford to sell this scoop but Max seems to be a little bit hard to get hold of at the moment

Will Cam uses someone elses urine for drug tests at work because he wants people to think he's a hardcore bugle botherer

Steve Sunshine makes babies lick 9v batteries and collects their distress in a purse made from angel's eyelids.

Will Cam' , also known as 'the skull cracker' is the lead singer of Boko Harem, who had a number one hit in the sixties with A Whiter Shade of Pale

He also plays at left back for Leyton Orient in his spare time

Lofthouse thought he was buying a Nigerian girl on ebay, but was fooled by a photo of Diane Abbott.

Sooty was the understudy for Elaine Paige in her role as Eva Peron in Evita

Roscoff tried to back up his hard-drive by reversing it into a garage.

Nogget's selling himself on eBay - latest offer is £2 after only 5 months.