Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

Jonny discovers that Janet has been keeping an old love letter from her ex, Andy. Janet convinces him it's just a bit of nostalgia from her childhood.

Jonny discovers that Janet has been keeping an old love letter from her ex, Andy. Janet convinces him it's just a bit of nostalgia from her childhood. Jonny's jealousy is eased until he discovers Janet's bumped 'phwoar Andy' down the pub.

Flo asks Donna to move out so that she can turn her bedroom into an exclusive, men-only massage parlour. Janet invites Donna to stay with her and Jonny for a little while.

Louise is worried she might be gay as she doesn't get any 'va va voom' with James. She finds him 'pale and clammy' rather than 'raw and sexy'. To find out the truth about her sexuality, she gives Donna and Janet fifty quid to snog her. Unfortunately this does not make her feel the least bit gay and she has to face up to the fact that she just doesn't fancy James.

The Andy problem is solved when Janet introduces Andy to James. Andy turns out to be small, skinny and pale. Jonny is relieved and to show how much he trusts Janet, insists that Janet and Donna spend some time alone with Andy. Wonder how he'd feel if he know that 'phwoar Andy' was really Colin from the chemist.