- Friday 11th October 2019, 1:12pm
- United Kingdom
- 519 posts
Quote: Wishus @ 11th October 2019, 10:19 AM
Tish and nonsense, Thosisd. I liked every single blighter of these. What are they doing?
Two lips - ooh it's a bit saucy! I went a bit saucy too. They just don't do elbows on the table level of rude, do they?
I like your first BN, but again, probably a bit saucy for them.
BN 2 - i think if you'd finished with "what a career dive", that would have been joke enough for them.
GWBW 1 is fab.
Alas, they had Calzone Express a lot.
I liked BN1.
Giving the show a listen right now.
Here are my rejects:
1. DEFRA has unveiled complicated guidelines for UK travellers wishing to bring their pets into Ireland after we leave the EU, including the need to arrive by sea at designated points of entry. However, rumours that cats must also bring honey, plenty of money wrapped up in a five-pound note and an owl to row them ashore have been dismissed as nonsense.
2. Pizza Express have hired financial advisers to investigate its £1.1bn debt. Advisers, what have you concluded? "They've been a bit sloppy, Giuseppe."
3. The NHS is opening the first clinic to help young people addicted to video games. Treatments will include taking Call of Duty liver oil capsules.
GOOD WEEK/BAD WEEK:
1. It's been a good week for Extinction Rebellion who have encouraged thousands to attend climate emergency protests, causing Boris Johnson to label them "Uncooperative crusties". It's been a bad week for Boris Johnson who found the true meaning of "uncooperative crusties" when he tried to wear the same shorts for a second day of jogging.
2. It's been a good week for a police officer who won a tribunal against the force who fired him for not shaving his beard. It's been a bad week for the police force, whose decision to fire the officer was described as bit of a chin-scratcher.
3. It's been a good week for Allyson Felix, who has beaten Usain Bolt's gold medal record in Doha, only 10 months after giving birth. It's been a bad week for Usain Bolt, who also probably treats parenthood as a race according to his catchphrase "I always come first".
Thanks for feedback. I think first GWBW is kind of thing they like for the show. Maybe first BN could be honed down slightly.
Quote: skram @ 11th October 2019, 12:36 PM
Lots of good one-liners here this week, these are my faves:
My rejects this week:
1. Following further protests in Hong Kong police have announced a ban on face masks, although protesters are still allowed to put little slices of cucumber on their eyes.
2. A shortage of accommodation at Bristol University has led to students having to live in Wales, setting a new record for the longest pub crawl home.
3. Amazon has announced that an ambulance was called once every 2 days for staff who had an accident at their warehouse, although it came daily for those who have Prime.
GOOD WEEK/BAD WEEK:
1. It's been a good week for children in Scotland as a new law will stop them getting smacked; it's been a bad week for sports teams in Scotland as the ban won't stop them getting spanked on a regular basis.
2. It's been a bad week for Apple after a man sued them for turning him gay after he received "GayCoin" cryptocurrency from an app; it's been a good week for lawyers who are launching a class action on behalf of 10 million women who play Angry Birds.
3. It's been a good week for historians after scientists used light ten billion times brighter than the Sun to finally decode ancient scrolls from Pompeii; it's been a bad week for Jeremy Corbyn as new attempts to understand his position on Brexit mean he'll have to buy stronger sunglasses.