British Comedy Guide

Newsjack Series 21 rejects Page 18

Newsjack. Copyright: BBC.

Newsjack

Topical satirical sketch show on Radio 4 Extra. The programme has an 'open door' policy allowing anyone to submit material

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Kenny Bania

  • Saturday 19th October 2019, 9:34am
  • United Kingdom
  • 235 posts
Quote: Thosisd @ 19th October 2019, 8:27 AM

Here's my latest batch of losers. Weirdly, despite not even making the script since ep2 I've been invited to submit to NJ Extra starting next week.

' It's been a bad week for the man who was arrested during the Extinction Rebellion protests, dressed as a broccoli floret.

It's been a good week for the arresting officer as he's been trying to get his five-a-day.

'

Think Ross Noble used this as a pay off on HIGNFY last night

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BTF

  • Saturday 19th October 2019, 11:09am
  • United Kingdom
  • 519 posts
Quote: Kenny Bania @ 19th October 2019, 9:34 AM

'

Think Ross Noble used this as a pay off on HIGNFY last night

I noticed that.

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Wishus

  • Saturday 19th October 2019, 11:18am
  • Northampton, England
  • 133 posts
Quote: TheTrashBat @ 19th October 2019, 9:33 AM

Congrats on the invite! It's easy to see why, all six of these are excellent. I'm surprised the Toy Story one didn't get picked.

Agreed, and congratulations!

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Thosisd

  • Saturday 19th October 2019, 1:43pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 287 posts

Thanks everyone. It's my second time getting the invite....still hoping for a writers room invite one day! I even flat out asked this series but got not reply.

Didn't get anything on NJ Extra last series so hopefully will have more luck this time.

Pleased people liked them. I guess NJ did too if they invited me, but it's a bit strange that tho he didn't even get put in the record if they liked my stuff.

Another series over and we all survived! Congrats everyone and enjoy the break.

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Kenny Bania

  • Saturday 19th October 2019, 2:01pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 235 posts

Yes well done - hope you get something on NJ extra

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BTF

  • Saturday 19th October 2019, 2:14pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 519 posts
Quote: Thosisd @ 19th October 2019, 1:43 PM

Thanks everyone. It's my second time getting the invite....still hoping for a writers room invite one day! I even flat out asked this series but got not reply.

Didn't get anything on NJ Extra last series so hopefully will have more luck this time.

Pleased people liked them. I guess NJ did too if they invited me, but it's a bit strange that tho he didn't even get put in the record if they liked my stuff.

Another series over and we all survived! Congrats everyone and enjoy the break.

Whilst your stuff is great, it may be that they tend to leave you on the NJExtra list for a bit once on especially if they are still noticing your stuff.

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Auditchris

  • Saturday 19th October 2019, 9:34pm
  • Tunbridge Wells, United Kingdom
  • 134 posts

@Thosisd: Congrats on getting the NJ Extra invite - surely that's one step closer to the writers room?

No invite for me, alas. Thought I've been doing relatively ok - have made the script 50% of the time over the last three series. Guess there's a difference between consistently sending in loads of great gags and sending one good one that makes the script!

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skram

  • Sunday 20th October 2019, 4:51pm [Edited]
  • Dartmoor, England
  • 68 posts

Lots of good one-liners again, these were my fave ones though:

Quote: Jee Knee @ 18th October 2019, 11:48 AM

3. The government's so-called 'behaviour tsar' has announced strict new disciplinary guidelines for secondary schools. According to the tsar, pupils can be given a detention if they talk in class, forget their homework or mastermind a proletarian Bolshevik revolution to overthrow the aristocracy.

GOOD WEEK / BAD WEEK

1. It's been a good week for two bin men in Wales, who recovered a couple's engagement ring that had accidentally been thrown away. It's been a bad week for the couple, who were fined for not sorting it into the proper recycling box.

(Meh.)

Worth more than a "meh" because it's true...

I've read this one so many times but just don't get it, sorry! Huh I've tried funny accents, saying it fast, saying it slow, spelling it out... someone please put me out of my misery:

Quote: TheTrashBat @ 18th October 2019, 12:24 PM

1. The Canadian Prime Minister had to wear a bulletproof vest after a security threat at a campaign rally. It's hard to believe anyone would want to shoot the PM, it's Trudeau.

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Rood Eye

  • Sunday 20th October 2019, 5:07pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,852 posts
Quote: TheTrashBat @ 18th October 2019, 12:24 PM

It's hard to believe anyone would want to shoot the PM, it's Trudeau.

Quote: skram @ 20th October 2019, 4:51 PM

I've read this one so many times but just don't get it, sorry! Huh I've tried funny accents, saying it fast, saying it slow, spelling it out... someone please put me out of my misery:

It's hard to believe anyone would want to shoot the PM: it's true, though.

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skram

  • Sunday 20th October 2019, 5:50pm
  • Dartmoor, England
  • 68 posts
Quote: Rood Eye @ 20th October 2019, 5:07 PM

It's hard to believe anyone would want to shoot the PM: it's true, though.

Ohhhh righhhhht! Thanks for explaining...

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BTF

  • Sunday 20th October 2019, 6:19pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 519 posts
Quote: Auditchris @ 19th October 2019, 9:34 PM

@Thosisd: Congrats on getting the NJ Extra invite - surely that's one step closer to the writers room?

No invite for me, alas. Thought I've been doing relatively ok - have made the script 50% of the time over the last three series. Guess there's a difference between consistently sending in loads of great gags and sending one good one that makes the script!

Am sure it will happen.

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skram

  • Sunday 20th October 2019, 6:50pm
  • Dartmoor, England
  • 68 posts

Been late listening to the show this week... some funny one-liners in there, can't say I enjoyed much on the sketches front though (that's being polite really!). My first sketch reject below, tried to go for a more obvious non-political story - feedback welcome:

INTRO: Britain's Obesity Crisis shows no signs of shrinking... fat chance of that happening... so the nanny state has decided that we can no longer partake of our favourite nibbles on public transport, not even on the night bus home with that fit guy you met in the club apparently. But whilst many of us would like to stick two chocolate-covered fingers up to the idea, would these draconian measures simply push the problem underground?

FX - TRAIN NOISES

MAN: Come on love, I can see some seats in the next carriage...

FX - INTERNAL TRAIN DOOR OPENS

DEALER: Alright mate, wanna buy some snack?
MAN: What the hell, are you trying to sell me smack? Drugs?!
DEALER: Naaa mate, not smack, snacks! I've got lots of little baggies with all your favourites in... jelly babies, fudge, jazzy drops....
MAN: Cool.
WOMAN: David?!
MAN: Come on, everyone does it, it's Friday night, live a little!
WOMAN: I'd rather live a lot - these are sugary snacks, David. Unrefined sugary snacks. (DISTRAUGHT) And on public transport, could you imagine if our friends and family found out?!
DEALER: Listen mate, if it's not your thing...
MAN: No it is my thing actually, who doesn't like a sugar rush - in fact, have you got anything a bit harder?
WOMAN: (GASPS)
DEALER: Yeah, got some aniseed balls here. Or liquorice?
MAN: What type?
DEALER: All sorts!
WOMAN: David, those are gateway snacks! Before you know it you'll be on flapjacks, crumbs all down your shirt and bits stuck in your teeth.
MAN: I know what I'm doing, OK? Give me one bag of each, mate.
DEALER: That's right my man! How about a grab bag size?
MAN: No, it's just for personal use, small bags are fine.
DEALER: Alright... what about your missus?
WOMAN: I really don't think...
MAN: Sarah, we've had a hard week, it'll take the edge off, just try a little bit....
DEALER: All the ladies do a bit of chocolate these days innit love...
WOMAN: Like what?
DEALER: Wispa?
WOMAN: (WHISPERS) Like what?
DEALER: How about a Kit Kat Chunky?
WOMAN: Who the hell are you calling "chunky"?!
DEALER: Whoa, OK, I've got low-calorie gear too - wine gums?
WOMAN: Errr, Wine Gums?! This is the train to Wimbledon, not Lewisham.
DEALER: Alright, I've got the good stuff too - Prosecco Gums. They're pink and sparkly.
WOMAN: That's more like it. And do you, errrr (SNIFFS) have any of the powdered stuff? (SNIFFS)
DEALER: You mean, strawberry bonbons?
WOMAN: Perfect..

FX - INTERNAL TRAIN DOOR OPENS

TICKET INSPECTOR: Tickets please!
MAN: Oh my God, quick, how much?
DEALER: Four little bags - that's forty quid mate.
MAN: Forty quid?! OK, here you go, quick Sarah let's go!
DEALER: Alright, nice doing business with you! Anybody else for drinks and snacks from the buffet trolley?

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Thosisd

  • Monday 21st October 2019, 8:43am
  • United Kingdom
  • 287 posts
Quote: Auditchris @ 19th October 2019, 9:34 PM

@Thosisd: Congrats on getting the NJ Extra invite - surely that's one step closer to the writers room?

No invite for me, alas. Thought I've been doing relatively ok - have made the script 50% of the time over the last three series. Guess there's a difference between consistently sending in loads of great gags and sending one good one that makes the script!

That's strange you haven't been. That's an incredible performance. May be worth emailing them to ask if you can?

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Kenny Bania

  • Monday 21st October 2019, 9:38am
  • United Kingdom
  • 235 posts
Quote: Auditchris @ 19th October 2019, 9:34 PM

@Thosisd: Congrats on getting the NJ Extra invite - surely that's one step closer to the writers room?

No invite for me, alas. Thought I've been doing relatively ok - have made the script 50% of the time over the last three series. Guess there's a difference between consistently sending in loads of great gags and sending one good one that makes the script!

I reckon the problem is the 'audit' part of your name. There's an inherent BBC comedy bias against anyone who works in finance - they're worried you may be a fat cat accountant
Try changing to socialcarechris ( or maybe remainerchris or veganchris )

For similar reasons, I've never revealed that I'm a Trump supporting brexiteer and my sister's Katie Hopkins

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Rood Eye

  • Monday 21st October 2019, 9:51am [Edited]
  • England
  • 3,852 posts
Quote: Kenny Bania @ 21st October 2019, 9:38 AM

Try changing to socialcarechris ( or maybe remainerchris or veganchris )

Kenny's suggestion is humorous but BCG members might be well-advised to think about what he's saying.

The BBC is very keen to give opportunities to members of groups that historically have been proportionally under-represented on TV and also among BBC employees.

A username suggesting that you are a member of one or more such groups might, therefore, increase your chances of being picked for advancement by the Beeb.

I could give you a few suggestions but, as ever, I have no wish to offend those who live only for the joy of being offended (usually on behalf of others). Laughing out loud