The first episode of Monkey Trousers opens at mission control of the Geordie Space Centre, where Dave battles with incompetence in his attempt to get the Whippet craft off the ground.

Next, a candid compensation salesman at Ablett Associates addresses anyone who's ever been ninja'd, gingered, or minge-ered at work; and the first instalment of mini soap opera Professional Footballers' Wives is sponsored by Norsons Cigarettes ('the sportsman's favourite').

We meet the programme's eponymous grotesque - Monkey Trousers - named for the only two words which ever escape his revolting lips. Also known as Nemo ('no one'), he appears to be a kind of person-whisperer, and in this episode proves an expert hostage negotiator.

The viewer is also introduced to Alasdair, a no-nothing estate agent with silly hair, the Croc Botherer, who would be the first to admit that he's 'a freakin' nightmare', a vicar with an apparent paucity of interest in the Bible, and Roy of Roy's Toys, who provides a broken doll with an inappropriately gritty back-story.