Eponymous freak and everything-whisperer Monkey Trousers stands as an independent election candidate; Stanley McAlister off of Professional Footballers' Wives has been sold to a foreign club (in Wales); and estate agent Alasdair shuts a potential buyer in the shower.

Jimmy Savile destroys nosey Honker's only chance of happiness at the Sunshine Hospice Fun Run; the mission is aborted at the Geordie Space Centre due to Kev arriving in a frogman suit; and we learn of the Dorf face-care system, 'one of many ways for you to proceed'.

Voice-over man Dave uses every trick in the tobacconist's book to achieve vocal perfection; Mary uses reverse psychology to get some office workers to explode themselves; and the Croc Botherer meets a national park warden and gets some of his own nightmarish medicine.

Finally, "Windy" Dick Baker leaves his co-antiquarian Clive hanging; the Vicar appraises Revelation 1 with Calvinistical rigour; and Roy of Roy's Toys attempts unsuccessfully to flog a Lego set depicting, not Dumbledore in his office, but J. K. Rowling in her agent's office (with 'a tiny little enormous cheque in her hand').