British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 5

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playfull

  • Saturday 4th January 2014, 1:57pm
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,856 posts

My virtual reality 3d PS4 glasses really make me 'in consol(e) able'

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blahblah

  • Saturday 4th January 2014, 6:34pm
  • sunderland, England
  • 1,130 posts

I wanted to understand what quantitative easing was so I watched a DVD. It was no help at all. Clarissa explains it all my arse

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Oh Danny Boy

  • Monday 6th January 2014, 11:51pm
  • Monaco
  • 3 posts

When I was a kid I wanted to go to a very exclusive school for puppeteers - I got in but had to pull a lot of strings.

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sootyj

  • Monday 6th January 2014, 11:56pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

nice one danny boy

Why did Magritte's chicken cross the road

ce n'est pas une plaisanterie à

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danphobic

  • Friday 10th January 2014, 5:11pm [Edited]
  • london, England
  • 224 posts

As far as I can see,
I don't need an optician.

A couple I made up for adam and joe ( they didn't read them out, I wonder why ) :(

So the waiter says,
'Look sir! I've given you a free pakora, free poppadoms,
Samosa can do! '

Also

What did Woody say to Mr Potatohead after eating a bowl of chips?
' You've got a friend in me '

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Stephen Goodlad

  • Friday 10th January 2014, 5:54pm
  • Mirfield, England
  • 3,714 posts

They're quite good. Like the Toy Story one especially.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Friday 10th January 2014, 9:52pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,613 posts

I was doing an audit for the apocalypse society and asked if I could see their accounts for the last year
They said they'd let me know as soon as it started.

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danphobic

  • Saturday 11th January 2014, 3:55pm
  • london, England
  • 224 posts

My boss told told me I would be 'facing the sack' for the third time this week,

I hate rimming. :(

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 11th January 2014, 5:15pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,373 posts

New show, Brad Pitt locked in an oven. It's called Baking Brad.

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sootyj

  • Saturday 11th January 2014, 5:39pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

Why was the Scientologist guilty

He was Thetan up from the inside.

Quote: danphobic @ 10th January 2014, 5:11 PM GMT

What did Woody say to Mr Potatohead after eating a bowl of chips?
' You've got a friend in me '


Nice

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 11th January 2014, 5:44pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,373 posts

My father was a failed epileptic. No great shakes.

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Marc P

  • Saturday 11th January 2014, 9:51pm
  • England
  • 17,698 posts
Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 1st January 2014, 10:32 AM GMT

I knew a girl called Dee who had a sexually transmitted disease.
She videoed her treatment and released it on a disk.

It was a DVD.

(I know.... very poor and and badly written. I am sure some of you can write it better)


Doubt it

Quote: danphobic @ 11th January 2014, 3:55 PM GMT

My boss told told me I would be 'facing the sack' for the third time this week,

I hate rimming. :(


Doesn't mAke sense

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sootyj

  • Saturday 11th January 2014, 9:54pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

MarcP if you lick a gentlemans anus then you are liable to find yourself at face level with their scrotal sack.

You're lack of technical knowledge makes me think you should never write pornography.

Unless he's referring to losing his job for beating his boss at basketball, due to his excessively wicked skills.

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danphobic

  • Saturday 11th January 2014, 10:03pm [Edited]
  • london, England
  • 224 posts
Quote: sootyj @ 11th January 2014, 9:54 PM GMT

MarcP if you lick a gentlemans anus then you are liable to find yourself at face level with their scrotal sack.

You're lack of technical knowledge makes me think you should never write pornography.

Unless he's referring to losing his job for beating his boss at basketball, due to his excessively wicked skills.


Hi guys,

Yep sooty got it.
I've played around with the wording of that one a couple of times. I do understand it's not immediately obvious so it's problematic because confusing jokes are pointless. I think probably if it was said in standup you would say it directly after another smutty (but more obvious) joke so that you've led their minds there already and they are expecting smut. As well as that if performed I would ask the performer to do that annoying inverted comma's hand action when they say 'face the sack' which is another cue for their minds to try to look for other meanings of facing the sack.

Needs work. I may find a better way to use the wordplay with a better contextual set up. Not that I am ever going to perform it.