British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 4

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billwill

  • Monday 30th December 2013, 11:39pm
  • North London, England
  • 5,833 posts
Quote: blahblah @ 30th December 2013, 2:03 PM GMT

I've just bought an idiots guide to procrastination. Well it's on my to do list


Pr'aps better as:

"I'm going to buy a book about procrastination ..... Tomorrow."

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Stephen Goodlad

  • Tuesday 31st December 2013, 9:49am
  • Mirfield, England
  • 3,713 posts

I was going to buy a book entitled 'How to be decisive' but I changed my mind.

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sootyj

  • Tuesday 31st December 2013, 10:10am
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

I went to an anorexic restaurant, I said I'll have what the staff are having
But they were having none of it.

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blahblah

  • Tuesday 31st December 2013, 12:08pm
  • sunderland, England
  • 1,130 posts

My local vegetarian restaurant is always empty. Maybe someone should tell them no one is made of Quorn

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Stephen Goodlad

  • Wednesday 1st January 2014, 10:32am
  • Mirfield, England
  • 3,713 posts

I knew a girl called Dee who had a sexually transmitted disease.
She videoed her treatment and released it on a disk.

It was a DVD.

(I know.... very poor and and badly written. I am sure some of you can write it better)

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blahblah

  • Wednesday 1st January 2014, 11:07am [Edited]
  • sunderland, England
  • 1,130 posts

my wife was struggling with womans problems. She couldn't decide what shoes to wear

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sootyj

  • Wednesday 1st January 2014, 11:24am
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

My missus because she had an embarassing women's problem

it was me

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Nogget

  • Wednesday 1st January 2014, 11:29am
  • England
  • 6,620 posts

I wrote a joke about an embroidery cafe, but I suppose it should go on the restaurant thread.

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sootyj

  • Wednesday 1st January 2014, 11:36am
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

I read your joke it had me in stitches

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Nogget

  • Wednesday 1st January 2014, 11:58am
  • England
  • 6,620 posts

Sew funny.

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blahblah

  • Wednesday 1st January 2014, 4:23pm
  • sunderland, England
  • 1,130 posts

I was granted a wish at a fair and having always been on the short side there was only one wish for me "I wish I was big" Unfortunately a little girl shouted for her father at the same time and I ended up becoming a fat British wrestler

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playfull

  • Thursday 2nd January 2014, 9:37am
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,854 posts
Quote: sootyj @ 31st December 2013, 10:10 AM GMT

I went to an anorexic restaurant, I said I'll have what the staff are having
But they were having none of it.


V good

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 31st December 2013, 10:31 PM GMT

They're trying to sell Mount Everest for ten million quid.

I think it's a bit steep.


Liked it.

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JaPi

  • Thursday 2nd January 2014, 11:03am
  • Leeds, England
  • 76 posts
Quote: blahblah @ 1st January 2014, 4:23 PM GMT

I was granted a wish at a fair and having always been on the short side there was only one wish for me "I wish I was big" Unfortunately a little girl shouted for her father at the same time and I ended up becoming a fat British wrestler


Or for a video game audience: I ended up trapped inside Bioshock 2. On the plus side, Edge like me.

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playfull

  • Thursday 2nd January 2014, 1:32pm
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,854 posts

I really thought I was synesthetic there for a moment, f**king Skittles...

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FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange

  • Friday 3rd January 2014, 2:18am
  • Essex, England
  • 455 posts

I went on a train yesterday and was told I could go either 1st class or 2nd class,
but there were so many CCTV cameras, it felt more like Recorded Delivery!!!!