British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 11

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danphobic

  • Wednesday 22nd January 2014, 6:45pm [Edited]
  • london, England
  • 224 posts

The most common method is to try get a market stool at the weekends. There's a couple of guys on brick lane on sunday who sell theirs. I've bought a couple of Jokevelopes for friends as gifts and they generally go down well. Make sure each is presented well and written clearly inside teh envelope. Whatever you do, don't sell prints of jokes, as soon as they realise they just come back to the stool and complain. Mickey Flanagan used to tie ribbons around his for extra presentation.

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sootyj

  • Wednesday 22nd January 2014, 6:53pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

Ah well the first answer is you can't no one buys a joke, most comics don't even read jokes. Why not, well to do so is to risk being accused of plagarism even if you don't steal it and then get inundated with shit gags.

But I earn my living as a comic writer, or have done for the last 2 months.

So how does one do it.

Well too go through some of the jobs I've had over the last month.

Adding jokes to a book by a lawyer who got sent to prison and wanted it made funny.
Wrote a funny script and press releases for a Mormon tampon delivery company.
Wrote one liner script for company that wanted to advertise eggs, with references to movies.
Wrote some one liners on topical stuff for a very nice lady standup in NY.

So how did I get the jobs. Half through my Elance account, half through my website. I only got started on both by spending months, maybe a year doing some pretty shitty jobs for not much money. But I got paid and got good feedback, people saw the feedback and a nice site. And they think hey this guy maybe able to reliably write the jokes I want and away I go.

So you have to build a reputation, people have to know you and be able to see you are RELIABLY funny.

Probably the easiest route is to get into standup comedy and get good at it. Ok not brilliant, not headliner but a decent guy who writes good jokes. Then someone might actually ask you to be their writer, mostly though it's editing their stuff and being a sounding board.

Then there's Newsthump and other satire sites, online sketch shows, BBC open ops and even critique, Kirrin Island. I actually got a couple of nice opportunities via critique and London Comedy Writers.
Any where someone's doing comedy and there's an audience is where you should be.

Quote: danphobic @ 22nd January 2014, 6:45 PM GMT

The most common method is to try get a market stool at the weekends. There's a couple of guys on brick lane on sunday who sell theirs. I've bought a couple of Jokevelopes for friends as gifts and they generally go down well. Make sure each is presented well and written clearly inside teh envelope. Whatever you do, don't sell prints of jokes, as soon as they realise they just come back to the stool and complain. Mickey Flanagan used to tie ribbons around his for extra presentation.


The bagels are significantly better than the joke, now a salt beef and mustard joke....

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Nick81

  • Wednesday 22nd January 2014, 6:55pm
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts
Quote: sootyj @ 22nd January 2014, 6:53 PM GMT

Ah well the first answer is you can't no one buys a joke, most comics don't even read jokes. Why not, well to do so is to risk being accused of plagarism even if you don't steal it and then get inundated with shit gags.

But I earn my living as a comic writer, or have done for the last 2 months.

So how does one do it.

Well too go through some of the jobs I've had over the last month.

Adding jokes to a book by a lawyer who got sent to prison and wanted it made funny.
Wrote a funny script and press releases for a Mormon tampon delivery company.
Wrote one liner script for company that wanted to advertise eggs, with references to movies.
Wrote some one liners on topical stuff for a very nice lady standup in NY.

So how did I get the jobs. Half through my Elance account, half through my website. I only got started on both by spending months, maybe a year doing some pretty shitty jobs for not much money. But I got paid and got good feedback, people saw the feedback and a nice site. And they think hey this guy maybe able to reliably write the jokes I want and away I go.

So you have to build a reputation, people have to know you and be able to see you are RELIABLY funny.

Probably the easiest route is to get into standup comedy and get good at it. Ok not brilliant, not headliner but a decent guy who writes good jokes. Then someone might actually ask you to be their writer, mostly though it's editing their stuff and being a sounding board.

Then there's Newsthump and other satire sites, online sketch shows, BBC open ops and even critique, Kirrin Island. I actually got a couple of nice opportunities via critique and London Comedy Writers.
Any where someone's doing comedy and there's an audience is where you should be.

The bagels are significantly better than the joke, now a salt beef and mustard joke....


That's a great insight, thank you very much.

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danphobic

  • Wednesday 22nd January 2014, 11:41pm [Edited]
  • london, England
  • 224 posts

I joined a Conservation group the other day, they asked me if I wanted to go to Peru to see Llama skin luggage being made,
I said alpaca bag.

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Mr Darkly

  • Wednesday 22nd January 2014, 11:56pm
  • In a wardrobe with a lion and a witch, England
  • 49 posts

I've had a penis extension. I Quite like it, but my wife thinks the conservatory looks a bit silly.

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sootyj

  • Wednesday 22nd January 2014, 11:57pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

very nice mr Darkly

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Mr Darkly

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 12:10am
  • In a wardrobe with a lion and a witch, England
  • 49 posts

A dysfunctional man said to my wife the other day, "Oi, my cocks bigger than yours" and she came back with, "Oi, I have a draw full of em and they're ALL bigger than your's!"

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Mr Darkly

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 12:59am
  • In a wardrobe with a lion and a witch, England
  • 49 posts

I told a friend that Pluto wasn't a planet, and he replied "I know its not, it's a cartoon dog."

Does anyone else think Gordon Ramsay's face looks like a scrunched up road map. Or could you imagine what it would be like if he was the speaking clock.

IT'S QUARTER PAST 10, NOW GO AND LEARN TO TELL THE FU**ING TIME YA F**K-NUT!

My mate went to have braces fitted the other day, but he couldn't have em because they couldn't get em around his fat stomach!

What about Ed Miliband. He's reported to be concerned about the birth mark in his hair. If I was him I'd be a bit more concerned about my voice. He sounds like John Major gargling bleach.

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danphobic

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 1:04am [Edited]
  • london, England
  • 224 posts

can't stand those people who go around stealing farm animals. Really gets my goat.

Quote: Mr Darkly @ 22nd January 2014, 11:56 PM GMT

I've had a penis extension. I Quite like it, but my wife thinks the conservatory looks a bit silly.

:D

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Mr Darkly

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 1:09am
  • In a wardrobe with a lion and a witch, England
  • 49 posts

I was thrown out of a bike shop last week. I went in, bought a bell, and the man said, "Where do you want it?" and I said, "Put it on the bell end, and pointed to the handle bars. He still kicked me out though, the weirdo.

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FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 1:18am
  • Essex, England
  • 455 posts
Quote: danphobic @ 22nd January 2014, 6:45 PM GMT

The most common method is to try get a market stool at the weekends. There's a couple of guys on brick lane on sunday who sell theirs. I've bought a couple of Jokevelopes for friends as gifts and they generally go down well. Make sure each is presented well and written clearly inside teh envelope. Whatever you do, don't sell prints of jokes, as soon as they realise they just come back to the stool and complain. Mickey Flanagan used to tie ribbons around his for extra presentation.


I have a group of Asian women go around local pubs with my jokes on post-it notes, they sell £2 each or 3 for £5.
It didn't do very well at first, but since I started my "Get a free Pirate DVD with every purchase" promotion, I've been raking it in!!

I was so disgusted by those lazy good for nothing drunks on benefits street, I nearly went out and got myself a job!
But Jeremy Kille was on, so I got a case of beers instead!!!

how about?

When I heard England's favourite diver was gay I thought "Joe Coles Gay! no way"

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danphobic

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 1:19am
  • london, England
  • 224 posts
Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ 23rd January 2014, 1:15 AM GMT

I have a group of Asian women go around local pubs with my jokes on post-it notes, they sell £2 each or 3 for £5.
It didn't do very well at first, but since I started my "Get a free Pirate DVD with every purchase" promotion, I've been raking it in!!


What do call your customers? Punters?

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Mr Darkly

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 1:28am
  • In a wardrobe with a lion and a witch, England
  • 49 posts

Went dogging the other day. It's amazing how many Chihuahua's you can fit round ya cock when it's covered in jam.

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Mr Darkly

  • Thursday 23rd January 2014, 1:48am
  • In a wardrobe with a lion and a witch, England
  • 49 posts

I Went to the chemist the other day to buy some hemorrhoid cream, and came out with fourteen tooth brushes instead. Bit weird really but they got rid of my hemorrhoids.