British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 9

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danphobic

  • Thursday 16th January 2014, 4:47pm
  • london, England
  • 224 posts
Quote: M Paterson @ 16th January 2014, 1:49 PM GMT

Here you go, some old groaners from my dusty archive:

So, the launch of my new book went well. I got it over the roof today.

My nan's new bungalow is pretty much perfect for her. There's just one flaw...

How many alchemists does it take to change a lightbulb into gold?


These are my favs. Made me chuckle!

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danphobic

  • Friday 17th January 2014, 2:37pm
  • london, England
  • 224 posts

Like that one. If it was me ( just personal preference) I would make it a 'lights-out' wanking 'contest'. But I suppose that's just me being picky.

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Tony Cowards

  • Sunday 19th January 2014, 12:01pm
  • Wiltshire, England
  • 1,762 posts

Making jokes about dyslexia is not bog and it's not cleaver.

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sootyj

  • Sunday 19th January 2014, 12:28pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

Dyslexic, dyslexic who, knock knock

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danphobic

  • Sunday 19th January 2014, 6:08pm
  • london, England
  • 224 posts
Quote: danphobic @ 17th January 2014, 2:37 PM GMT

Like that one. If it was me ( just personal preference) I would make it a 'lights-out' wanking 'contest'. But I suppose that's just me being picky.


Ha ha, not sure what happened there, but I was referring to a post directly before that now doesn't exist, so it just looks like I am making an unusual request. I promise I'm not into that kind of thing!

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Nick81

  • Wednesday 22nd January 2014, 3:45pm
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts

Some absolute shocking jokes in here, is that the threads intention?

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sootyj

  • Wednesday 22nd January 2014, 3:51pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

And some very good ones, the combination and having fun is the intention

why not share one of yours funny guy

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danphobic

  • Wednesday 22nd January 2014, 4:06pm [Edited]
  • london, England
  • 224 posts

I'll add to the poorly maintained comedy substation of shocking jokes:

In India, Spiders wishing to stream content live, must follow the web cast system.

Energy scientists have hired Robson Green to travel to japan, as they believe the waters around Fukushima are perfect for Nuclear Fission.

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Nick81

  • Wednesday 22nd January 2014, 4:19pm
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts
Quote: sootyj @ 22nd January 2014, 3:51 PM GMT

And some very good ones, the combination and having fun is the intention

why not share one of yours funny guy


I was asking a question that is all.

As for the funny ones, really?

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sootyj

  • Wednesday 22nd January 2014, 4:25pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

Yup some of the funny ones were well funny

He that accuseth others usually is making a confession

Anyway I rather like this one I thought up

So I was doing a gig for Mormons and I said take my wife
And someone heckled me, which one.

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danphobic

  • Wednesday 22nd January 2014, 4:31pm [Edited]
  • london, England
  • 224 posts

Here's one I was considering trying to shift, but not now.

Dennis Rodman has sung Happy Birthday to Kim Jong Un this week. Kim said he shouldn't consider a change in Korea.

and yeah, where's your jokes anyway Nick frankie boyle 81?

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Nick81

  • Wednesday 22nd January 2014, 4:34pm
  • Preston, England
  • 358 posts

I've 1000's, but whatever I post you will now inevitably pick apart. All I expected from a section like this on a comedy forum was a decent selection of gags, my mistake.

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danphobic

  • Wednesday 22nd January 2014, 4:46pm [Edited]
  • london, England
  • 224 posts

I'm new I have no emotional or sexual affiliation with the rest of the forum, yet, nice though they have been. I will not pick your jokes apart unless they obviously necessitate apart picking.