British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 244

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Stephen Goodlad

  • Tuesday 6th October 2020, 9:14am
  • Mirfield, England
  • 3,658 posts

Baddy gets shot in the chest, the shirt is red with blood but no hole in the shirt?

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 6th October 2020, 9:33am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,321 posts

Star Trek. I refuse to believe there are undeveloped life forms on the other side of the universe who speak English better than Americans. Actually...

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Firkin

  • Tuesday 6th October 2020, 10:59am [Edited]
  • United Kingdom
  • 994 posts

Bill's TV observations List:

Modern day butlers commit less crime.

If a leading character lacks emotion usual Anthony Hopkins wins an award.

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rrr 969

  • Tuesday 6th October 2020, 1:53pm
  • Odessa, Ukraine
  • 220 posts

fire alarm showers work

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Chappers

  • Tuesday 6th October 2020, 6:06pm
  • Surreyish., England
  • 31,167 posts

In Star Trek "Where no man has gone before" they're forever finding previous human settlements.

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playfull

  • Tuesday 6th October 2020, 8:17pm
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,833 posts

And the universal translator translates from the very first word of any new alien language.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 6th October 2020, 9:05pm [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,321 posts

Speaking of, I loved the Hitch Hiker's Guide Babel Fish as an ingenious solution, till it was pointed out that it still doesn't work on the telly - cos they lipsync English! I guess it'd be too complicated and intrusive to have them lip-speaking alien with English dubbed in, but I genuinely never thought of that. Yet another reason why radio was the best.
Back on topic: What's the difference between One Direction and the Spice Girls? None. In both cases, you're watching five pussies. And I cleaned that one up.

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Chappers

  • Tuesday 6th October 2020, 9:10pm
  • Surreyish., England
  • 31,167 posts

Why is it in period programmes that newspapers are all yellowed with age?

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playfull

  • Tuesday 6th October 2020, 10:24pm [Edited]
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,833 posts

Speaking of, speaking of, i nearly mentioned the Babel fish! I was going to say at least hitchhiker's explained how it functioned.

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rrr 969

  • Wednesday 7th October 2020, 12:28am [Edited]
  • Odessa, Ukraine
  • 220 posts

Why androids always Want to be human like? why ST writers wanted Data to have emotion sims constantly more evolved? Even in recent Raised.by.Wolves.2020. android "Papa" Loves android "Mama", in S01E10."The.Beginning" he (it) is jealous. I think soon my guitar processor will refuse to work due to hard work conditions and constant stepping on.
Ed.: (it).

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 7th October 2020, 6:15am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,321 posts

Yes, fantasy sometimes dabbles in fantasy.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 10th October 2020, 8:45am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,321 posts

I said to Frank Carson, What noise does a duck make? He said, It's a quacker.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 17th October 2020, 8:26am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,321 posts

What's the difference between your money and your penis? You don't want to put your money where your mouth is.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 20th October 2020, 9:42am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,321 posts

I left my girlfriend because she was an excrement fetishist. She was glad to see me go.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 21st October 2020, 12:11pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,321 posts

Horse walks into a bar. - Why the long penis? - I'm a horse.