What do you say to a bee? Buzz off.
What do you say to a hermaphrodite with diarrhea? Go and f**k yourself.
What do you say to One Direction? You are shit.

I'm surprised you haven't gone for a If you want to bee my lover joke

Two beecum one.

Priest reveals how to get minors into bed. Sweet!

I'd be lost without my sat nav.

I have to think of a Lennon track and an innuendo. It's so hard.

F**king Hell, one of my favourite jokes is 'Anal. It's f**king shit.' It's just been pointed out that Jimmy Carr made exactly the same gag so I Googled and yes he did. I'm keeping it in my set though cos I thought of it independently, so technically it isn't joke theft.

Still, no need to get anal... I had the same experience with 'I hate working at the baker's. I just knead the dough.' I couldn't believe no one had thought of it so I Googled and yup. My attitude is if you think something up Independently it isn't theft.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 18th December 2020, 12:20 PM

Still, no need to get anal... I had the same experience with 'I hate working at the baker's. I just knead the dough.' I couldn't believe no one had thought of it so I Googled and yup. My attitude is if you think something up Independently it isn't theft.

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I think that is probably one of the oldest jokes in the world (since they started making bread).

Why do marmite, marmelade and jam get all the opps? In-breads.
The other time it happened to me was 'My only friend is my calculator. It's all I can count on.'

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 18th December 2020, 12:20 PM

Still, no need to get anal... I had the same experience with 'I hate working at the baker's. I just knead the dough.' I couldn't believe no one had thought of it so I Googled and yup. My attitude is if you think something up Independently it isn't theft.

View original

Something similar in Scrubs but yours is better:

I was gonna be a baker, but I couldn't raise the dough.

Variations on a theme.
The 309th time I masturbated on the sheets, my mother told me to stop. What a wet blanket.

Newsflash: When Trump loses Presidential immunity, he is expected to disappear into thin hair.

(Bizarrely I couldn't find a 'thin hair' Trump joke on Google, there must be one ?)

My Plan for tonight is to mastubate onto Phil Collin's head. He can feel it coming in the 'air tonight.

I'm paranoid about the size of my penis. - You need to see a shrink.