British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 247

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alison blunderland

  • Sunday 8th November 2020, 2:47pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 37 posts

'Swan Song'

I say KaMAYla and you say KaMARla.
I say I hate her but you say you heart her.
KaMAYla, KaMARla, I hate her, you heart her.
Let's call the whole thing off.

No, seriously guys. It needs to be called off. The ballot was rigged. And what's with the white coats? Take your hands off meeeeeee!

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paulted

  • Sunday 8th November 2020, 3:39pm
  • 127 Inkerman Terrace, Newcastle, England
  • 662 posts

Biden........Bye Don. Lets call the whole thing off. Rumour has it that Trump has commited suicide by hanging. It was however FAKE NOOSE. Boom boom........aythangyew.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 12th November 2020, 6:57pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,538 posts

First ever female Vice-President! A huge step forward in women's liberation... And she's a pretty little thing too.

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Hercules Grytpype Thynne

  • Thursday 12th November 2020, 11:24pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 17,856 posts
Quote: paulted @ 8th November 2020, 3:39 PM Biden........Bye Don. Lets call the whole thing off. Rumour has it that Trump has commited suicide by hanging. It was however FAKE NOOSE. Boom boom........aythangyew.

Very good :D, [ but you forgot the Thrrrrump Tishhhhhh.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 13th November 2020, 11:36am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,538 posts

What did John Lennon say to Ian Curtis? I know you're depressed, but nothing to get hung about.
What did John Lennon say to Ian Curtis the next day? Let me take you down.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 15th November 2020, 9:01am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,538 posts

You're a compulsive gambler. - Wanna bet?

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paulted

  • Sunday 15th November 2020, 9:55am
  • 127 Inkerman Terrace, Newcastle, England
  • 662 posts

Why is it that when a woman claims to have numerous sexual partners she's called a "slag", but when I make the same claim people call me a "fat, ugly, lying bastard"?

Benedict Cumberbatch has been told that he's constipated.
No shit Sherlock.......

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 16th November 2020, 3:57pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,538 posts
Quote: paulted @ 15th November 2020, 9:55 AM
No shit Sherlock.......

Watson, I'm constipated.
Leslie Crowther jerks off to feathers. Come on down.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 22nd November 2020, 12:45pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,538 posts

I want to be the largest city in Pennsylvania. - Don't be Philly.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 1st December 2020, 10:20am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,538 posts
Quote: paulted @ 15th November 2020, 9:55 AM Why is it that when a woman claims to have numerous sexual partners she's called a "slag",.

I call her Mum. Or Spinster.
I don't want to admit to jerking off in a vegetable patch. But the thyme has come.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Friday 4th December 2020, 10:11pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,665 posts

What was that old old movie about a n anthropomorphic Volkswagen who was also a vegetarian?
I remember now, it was Herbie 4

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gappy

  • Saturday 5th December 2020, 7:14pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 2,106 posts
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 4th December 2020, 10:11 PM What was that old old movie about a n anthropomorphic Volkswagen who was also a vegetarian?
I remember now, it was Herbie 4

Herbie Eats Bananas

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 5th December 2020, 7:21pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,538 posts

My dad's convinced he can hear a buzzing sound from the front of his car. Always did have a bee in his bonnet.

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Steve Sunshine

  • Sunday 6th December 2020, 6:31pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,665 posts

I remember once the Russians were spying on me using the evasive wasp
Oh no that's not right it was the Cagey Bee