British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 246

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Will Cam

  • Saturday 31st October 2020, 9:42pm
  • England
  • 8,015 posts
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ 31st October 2020, 8:10 PM

Boris Johnson has just raised the United Kingdoms Covid 19 alert level from Bubble Bubble
to Toil & trouble

:DFunny and topical Steve.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 2nd November 2020, 6:11pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,370 posts

I'm sure I haven't got covid. I'm positive.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 3rd November 2020, 10:27am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,370 posts

Finally worked out how to put on a condom. It's a wrap.

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alison blunderland

  • Tuesday 3rd November 2020, 1:11pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 29 posts

If (when?) Trump wins the election tomorrow, it'll show that despite all his faults, Americans still see his 'not having senile dementia' as a major advantage over Joe Biden.

Biden can't win, can he? Not when so many Americans are having nightmares about him pressing a button to summon the butler and inadvertently levelling Vladivostok.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 3rd November 2020, 3:43pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,370 posts

Elvis accused of robbing a herb store. 'I never took the thyme.'

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 4th November 2020, 11:49am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,370 posts

Which photographer puts amphibians on his foresk? Helmut Newton.

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alison blunderland

  • Wednesday 4th November 2020, 1:08pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 29 posts

Biden's on his last legs mentally and physically so if Trump loses, he's giving way to a black woman president. Donald being Donald would never take that lying down. The result, I mean. He'd definitely take Kamala lying down or in any other position.

He'd then claim his obvious enjoyment of her facilities proved he didn't have a sexist or racist bone in his body. Ironically however Kamala would indisputably have a very sexist racist bone in hers.

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alison blunderland

  • Thursday 5th November 2020, 3:38pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 29 posts

If Donald loses the election, will we see him walking down the steps of the White House followed by a conga line of increasingly less convincing Melanias?

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Steve Sunshine

  • Thursday 5th November 2020, 7:37pm
  • Dagenham, England
  • 14,612 posts

Reports say that Biden is ahead in the popular vote while Donald Trump is ahead in the unpopular vote

Trump was hoping to hold Carolina but there's a strict no touching policy at the lap Dance club

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paulted

  • Thursday 5th November 2020, 7:49pm
  • 127 Inkerman Terrace, Newcastle, England
  • 635 posts

I'm pretty sure that Trump sees no problem with counting my vote for his next term.(Constituency of Fakenuse, Lancashire).

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alison blunderland

  • Friday 6th November 2020, 12:29pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 29 posts

The joke of the week is on Donald Trump. He never believed more than 50% of American voters would prefer Kamala Harris as president rather than him but it seems they DO.

Interesting times lie ahead with President Kamala. I've just Googled her family tree and she isn't Greek. I've also checked her medical records and she isn't made of wood. Even so, I have a feeling she'll go down in US political history as 'The Trojan Horse'.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 6th November 2020, 4:55pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,370 posts

Melania's birthday cake was perfectly appropriate. It had hundreds and thousands on top too.

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alison blunderland

  • Saturday 7th November 2020, 9:19am
  • United Kingdom
  • 29 posts

Joe Biden's like a web browser with 25 tabs open. 23 are frozen and he doesn't know where the music's coming from.

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alison blunderland

  • Saturday 7th November 2020, 11:18pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 29 posts

Joe Biden used to be what they call a progressive Democrat but nowadays the only progressive thing about him is his dementia. Poor sod.

They're calling him 'President-elect' but he can't be that until Donald concedes, can he? Talking of which, I think that's going to happen pretty soon. No siege at the White House. No long drawn out legal battle. Donald's going to concede defeat and leave like a gentlemen much to the consternation of those who want to see him dragged out kicking and screaming. When it comes to really sticking it to his enemies one last time, that will be his 'trump' card.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 8th November 2020, 9:26am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,370 posts

My wife says my sense of humour is childish-cum-predictable. Ha ha! 'Cum'!