British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 223

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 21st June 2019, 9:50am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

Went to an Ethipian restaurant. Ate f**k all. There was food outside but no one let it in.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 28th June 2019, 5:34pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

Thief with diarrhea. Just takes the money and runs.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 2nd July 2019, 10:05am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

Elvis was upset when I said he didn't use correct grammar. He said, 'I'm all shook up. So treat me nice. In fact, love me tender.' I said, 'Sorry but them's the rules innit.'

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 12th July 2019, 12:55pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

I was directing Much Ado About Nothing with my good friend Tina Turner and suggested we double the female lead. She wasn't convinced. She said, We don't need another Hero.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 23rd July 2019, 3:14pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

I can't remember the month after June. - July? - No it's true.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 29th July 2019, 11:10am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

My mother left my party with six men. I phoned later and she said, 'I'm home and dry. Actually...'

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 11th August 2019, 10:35am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

To distract myself from Sporty Spice, I developed a fruit diet. It's melony, see?

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 28th August 2019, 11:54am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

Which comedian preaches to the converted? My-Creed.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 30th August 2019, 12:16pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

I did a whole Oscar Pistorius interview without referring to his condition. What a feat.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 4th September 2019, 4:02pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

I revisited my 90s porn collection. It still stands up well.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Thursday 5th September 2019, 5:54pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

What does an Amish say after sex? Oh brother.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 14th September 2019, 12:39pm [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

My trousers have a 37" waist and a 36" leg measurement. If I decide to take them in by 4" and take them up by 3", what have I got?
The wrong trousers.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 14th September 2019, 3:50pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

What's got 94 legs, can't speak Italian and never f**ks? Ex Pats in Rome.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 15th September 2019, 1:35pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

What's the difference between a hysterectomy and an Ex Pat In Rome? A hysterectomy is not a total c**t.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 5th October 2019, 3:41pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,392 posts

What's the difference between my mother and the Duke of York? He only had ten thousand men... But when they were up...