Tell us a joke Page 218

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 13th November 2018, 3:40pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,791 posts

My son confessed he's gay. What a bummer.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 18th November 2018, 1:46pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,791 posts

What do you call 50 repair men who went to the barber's and sing bullshit? Shorn Menders.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 1st December 2018, 11:25am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,791 posts

Anal with Ronald McDonald. I'm lovin' shit.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 3rd December 2018, 2:49pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,791 posts

Alice Merton denies rumours she dyed her hair. 'I got no roots.'

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Chappers

  • Monday 3rd December 2018, 8:58pm
  • Surreyish., England
  • 29,471 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 3rd December 2018, 2:49 PM

Alice Merton denies rumours she dyed her hair. 'I got no roots.'

I might understand that if I knew who she was.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 4th December 2018, 4:34pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,791 posts

I argued with Charlie Puth. We don't talk any more.

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gappy

  • Sunday 9th December 2018, 2:35pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 1,969 posts

Roman fighters used to train by swimming from a gymanisum on the Isola Tiberina and running up Gianicolo, the tallest of the city's hills, which was exhausting and a hard journey to complete.

Hence the still famous phrase, "It's the isle of the Tiber, it's the hill of great height, rising up to the challenge of arrival".

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 10th December 2018, 12:22pm [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,791 posts

What's the difference between stops and penises? My mother pulls OUT all the stops.

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Chappers

  • Monday 10th December 2018, 12:54pm
  • Surreyish., England
  • 29,471 posts
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 10th December 2018, 12:22 PM

What's the difference between stops and penises? My mother pulls OUT all the stops.

Was it a large organ?

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 11th December 2018, 12:58pm [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,791 posts

I couldn't decide who was my favourite Spice Girl so I had to toss. Mel C won hands down, by a long shot, but Geri had come second. Emma produced a quick dribble as Mel B enjoyed a last-minute spurt, ending in a tie. Mine. But no use crying over spilt milk. Usually Victoria had come up the rear but this time she got to deuce and so did I. Stiff competition, but I beat it off.
PS Even I cringe when I read that back. It's 'decide who my favourite Spice Girl was', not 'decide who was my favourite Spice Girl'.

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gappy

  • Wednesday 12th December 2018, 12:34pm
  • Oxford, England
  • 1,969 posts

I think either is fine. But it could be neater to avoid the intransitive verb which always makes sentences feel instinctively odd and say "I couldn't decide whom I liked best in The Spice Girls" (I'd let you off the -m ending, as convention is slowly ditching this for the accusative). Or you could say "I couldn't decide which Spice Girl I liked best". That's the neatest.

Sorry, that's not a joke, and I know Michael's bit was in itself a joke, but I can't help it. So, to make up for it....what was the name of that prog-folk act that Snoop and Tupac were in? Oh yeah, Death Row Tull.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 12th December 2018, 7:13pm [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,791 posts

I always abide by grammatical regulations. Them's the rules, innit.

That reminds me... I had a really bad argument with my wife and I don't think we'll ever get over it. She said, 'Michael, you are lazy, vulgar and intellectually arrogant. You never make an effort. You never take me out. You don't even try for my friends and family. You have no interest in anything except yourself, alcohol and telly. You drink too much. smoke too much, swear too much. You don't have a job we can rely on. You're overweight, unhealthy and inept. You have the prowess of a 90-year-old, the sense of humour of a 3-year-old and the brain of a Spice Girl.' I said, 'Don't you EVER...'

Happy Days star proves he had anal. 'Shit on it.'

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 14th December 2018, 12:49pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 3,791 posts

Cornershop tried anal on Bonfire Night. Rimful of ashes.

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Patrick Robinson

  • Saturday 15th December 2018, 5:34pm
  • Birmingham, United Kingdom
  • 92 posts

Me: Hi Beyoncé.
I bought the Mr Men books to read to my son.
He's 8 months old.
Any advice on where I should start?

Beyoncé: I don't think he's ready for Mr Jelly.