British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 224

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 9th October 2019, 1:17pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,393 posts

I used to hate work, but now I'm an astronomer, and my job is looking up.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 13th October 2019, 10:17am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,393 posts

If I parody sheep genitalia, is it lamb-poon?

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 14th October 2019, 6:05pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,393 posts

My wife said, You're superficial. I said, Don't take that any further.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 21st October 2019, 8:11am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,393 posts

The most racist students are archaeologists. Always having a dig at someplace.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 30th October 2019, 6:40pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,393 posts

I asked Tarzan, What's the most common conjunction ever? He said, ororororrrrrrrorororororrrrrrrrrr.
I asked Tarzan, Who's your favourite super hero ever? He said, Thororororrrrrrrorororororrrrrrrrrr.
I asked Tarzan, What's the biggest pile of shit ever? He said, One Direction.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 6th November 2019, 9:16am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,393 posts

I gave a prostitute a 100-pound note. She says, Have you got anything smaller? I said, I told you before.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 10th November 2019, 1:44pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,393 posts

My dad ejaculates on my shoulders, but I've learnt to shrug it off.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Friday 29th November 2019, 8:13am [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,393 posts

I have the identity of the biggest slapper in London, but I must be discreet. Mum's the word.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 5th January 2020, 11:36am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,393 posts

What's the difference between a bike and Geri Halliwell? One is perfect fror riding, with a couple of firm handrests and an attractive seat... and the other... is Geri Halliwell.

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playfull

  • Friday 10th January 2020, 4:09pm [Edited]
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,653 posts

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 11th January 2014, 5:44 PM GMT
My father was a failed epileptic. No great shakes.

I am stealing that!

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 19th January 2020, 5:34pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,393 posts

Good news, my dad's one of the movers and shakers. Bad news, he's epileptic.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 8th February 2020, 5:11pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,393 posts

What's fat, likes the Spice Girls and can't be arsed any more?

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paulted

  • Saturday 8th February 2020, 6:37pm [Edited]
  • 127 Inkerman Terrace, Newcastle, England
  • 584 posts

I bought the wife a clock for her birthday. Well, theres no present like the time.........

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 9th February 2020, 10:19am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 4,393 posts

For my birthday, my wife said I can have one gift and one glass of wine. So I asked for a 87423378-litre glass.