Series 1, Episode 5
Last Hit Woman is sat around a boardroom table with her colleagues. After a successful meeting, she sidles up to one of them, hits him ("Last hit!") and runs off.
Thomas and Chloe are in the kitchen, making panini. Mummy (The Aga Saga Woman) is standing next to them. The telephone rings and she answers it. She informs the children that Daddy hasn't been able to find any good Brie this trip. They are terrified because the school Parisian picnic is tomorrow.
Last Hit Woman (Sandra) and Payne are walking down an office corridor, talking about results of a data. As they reach an agreement, Sandra hits Payne and runs off.
Three clowns in full costume are attending a clown workshop. They rehearse different clown tricks and Jill, one of the clowns, keeps thinking about her car accident.
Last Hit Woman hits yet another firm employee, Anthony.
Bernie is in the hospital corridor and approaches a man. He is waiting for his mother to come out of the operating theatre and she is about to present him with the results. She is, however, a bit confused about Mr. Willis' surname and says they'll ring him later.
Last Hit Woman is taken by surprise as her game suddenly changes direction and she gets hit by Anthony. As he tries to run away from her, he gets hit by a car. She reaches him, kneels down next to him and quickly taps him. "Last hit."
Bunty is sitting alone in the pub and Geoff arrives. She is upset because he made his new majorette captain already. Geoff informs her that she's been seen watching the Doncaster Spinners marching practice. He advises her to give up spinning a baton. As she walks out, she puts Eye Of The Tiger on the jukebox.
The clowns are painting faces on three children. The leader of the group, Matthew, asks them to show him the children's faces. Honker turns his little boy round to show a tiger face, Boo turns his little girl round to reveal a flower face and Jill turns her little girl round to show a face covered in scars and blood.
As the victim of Sandra's little game is wheeled into the back of the ambulance, he manages to tap Sandra. Much to her annoyance, he's getting away and she chases the ambulance.
Martin Webb is on a busy train, making calls from his mobile phone - phoning people and letting them know about his night out and that "he still got a bit of blood running through his alcohol vessels."
The clowns are practising their balloon twisting skills. Honker has made a rabbit, Boo has made a dog and unsurprisingly, Jill has made a noose.
Enigmatic Cop and her colleague are by the side of the river, standing next to a body. A headless body. Amanda is certain that a lady did it - ''statistically, there are more ladies than chaps in London''. She also thinks that identifying the bodies without fingerprints and heads is quite easy - people without fingerprints and heads would have stuck out a mile.
Last Hit Woman enters Anthony's hospital room with some flowers. She apologises to him and manages to score a "last hit".
Nan and her grandson are shopping in a Pound Shop. She is confused about the pricing of items in the shop, so she keeps asking how much things cost. When she is explained that everything's a pound - or twenty shillings - she is outraged. She tells Jamie that Mrs. Jackson from the flat above her is dead. At least she thinks so - after all, she hasn't seen her for four days. She decides to purchase the jam jars and is outraged once again when she is offered a carrier bag. "What a load of old shit."
Last Hit Woman is at Anthony's funeral. His sister has one final message from Anthony to Sandra. She taps her arms and says "last hit." Sandra looks as if she might faint and takes deep breaths. She runs back towards to grave, screaming.
Bunty is seen in the midst of a majorette routine, surrounded by younger majorettes.
Due to difficult scheduling, Catherine Tate actually filmed this episode after the final episode.
To date, the "Martin Webb" sketch is the only sketch in which Catherine Tate does not appear.
- Monday 15th March 2004
- BBC Two
- 30 minutes
- Saturday 14th December 2019 at 10:20pm on W