Series 1, Episode 4
Paul and Sam wonder where Shelley has gone, because they haven't seen her today. Sam's friend, Jackie, says she's gone on holiday to Zimbabwe. They don't know where Zimbabwe is.
The backhander woman (Carole) is in the back of a minicab. A windscreen washer approaches as they pull up at some lights. He starts to put soap on the screen. The taxi drives tells him that it's already washed and asks him to go away. He walks off, leaving soap all over windscreen. Carole tells the cab driver what he could do to stop them washing his car against his will.
Bunty is sitting alone in a pub, wearing her majorette's hat and waiting for Geoff. He informs her that she is not on the front row this year. Geoff tells her that it's time to leave the Doncaster Spinners. As she leaves the pub, she puts a song (All By Myself) on the jukebox.
Paul and Sam are talking about their day at work. Sam doesn't want to tell Paul what happened, because "he'll die". She says that she wanted to make a cup of tea in the morning and she accidentally plugged in the cafetière instead of the kettle.
The backhander woman has just bought lunch in a wholefood shop. She sits down at a table and starts chatting to a woman. A man emerges from the kitchen and addresses the diners, saying that they are out of vegetarian lasagne. Carole advises the woman what she could do - "one swift backhander" is included in the advice.
New parents (Karen and Ben) are driving in the car. Their baby is asleep. Ben points out that they are lost, because of Karen's disability to read maps. The baby wakes up due to their noisy arguing and they start singing a song to make her fall asleep again.
Paul and Sam are in the bedroom, wondering what is Human Resources. The phone suddenly rings and Sam answers. She starts the conversation in French, but it turns out she didn't even know who called in the first place.
Kate and Ellen are working at their desks. Kate asks Ellen if she wants kids. She makes her guess how many kids does Jenny 'Kids R Us' Topley from the canteen have.
The backhander woman is in the park, watching a mime artist. It turns out that he is not very good and gets on her nerves a bit. She tells her friend that she wants to walk up to him and ask him "what in the name of Christ is he doing with his life?" She also points out that a swift backhander would bring him to his senses.
Lauren wanders into a classroom and approaches the teacher sitting at his desk. She hands him a note, requesting her to be excused from games. She ain't bovvered that he can't excuse her from a subject he doesn't teach. She knocks over his pot plant and leaves.
Kate and Ellen are still working at their desks. Kate discusses her choice of holiday with Ellen, who is trying to guess how much she paid for her trip to Egypt.
Nan's grandson arrives and she's excited about Meals on wheels. He got herself a new chap after she got rid of Brenda. When Gavin arrives, he starts a full song and dance routine. He passes the meal to Jamie. He also brought Nan her tights. When he leaves, she is upset that he brought her the wrong pair of tights - ''American fucking tan''.
Kate tells Ellen that she got her lunch from a new sandwich shop. Ellen immediately guesses how much she paid. Kate simply answers back with "lesbian".
Ben and Karen are stood by the side of their baby's cot, singing and dancing to keep her entertained. The baby is staring back at them.
- Monday 8th March 2004
- BBC Two
- 30 minutes
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