Google search used to be about speed. The phrase "Google it" exists because it's a quick way to get a result or answer but since Google decided to become more than a bloody search engine it has been anything but speedy. What with it's attempts to speed shit up, it frustratingly has slowed shit down. I've turned off the instant results thing "ain't nobody got time for that" but I still feel as those the cogs behind the scenes turn anyway for that feature because sometimes after I hit "search" there is a moment where Google hangs or doesn't load any results at all and that really pisses me off! Go back to or give us a simple basic search please, GOOGLE!

Quote: JokePit @ November 16 2012, 6:13 PM GMT

POOR INTERNET CONNECTION!!!

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Wet string.

Is this a quiz?

Quote: Lee @ November 16 2012, 9:20 PM GMT

Google search used to be about speed. The phrase "Google it" exists because it's a quick way to get a result or answer but since Google decided to become more than a bloody search engine it has been anything but speedy. What with it's attempts to speed shit up, it frustratingly has slowed shit down. I've turned off the instant results thing "ain't nobody got time for that" but I still feel as those the cogs behind the scenes turn anyway for that feature because sometimes after I hit "search" there is a moment where Google hangs or doesn't load any results at all and that really pisses me off! Go back to or give us a simple basic search please, GOOGLE!

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The Google database is probably 100 times bigger than it was in the days when you thought the search speed was good.

Knobs who can't park correctly in a parking space, say at a supermarket. They park at an angle, or too far over to one side - usually mine. Thank f**k I'm a mere slip of a lad and can often slither in without denting their door. God knows how a fat bastard would cope in a situation like that.

People who use a cold as a way of collecting unwarranted amounts of sympathy. Yeah, we get it, you have the sniffles and a cough, we all get them, they suck, but it's not the end of the world.

The worst ones are the moaners who go on about it for days, in fact they get so caught up in their attention seeking egos, that when they talk, they forget to cough.

Until someone new walks in the room and asks 'How are you feeling?' and then they force a cough up to demonstrate just how poorly and ick they are.

As a final snotty kick in the balls, they ring up work and say they can't go in, that they're way too sick to sit at a computer all day typing - and then spend the whole day on Facebook.

Come on sickies, die or get off the pot.

Yeah, and they say 'I can't think how I caught it!', then someone else says 'there's a bug going round though' (that's that person's lead-up to them having it themselves next week).

Often the word 'nasty' is used to prefix the word 'bug' too - depending on severity of said upper respitory-tract infection (if that's what it really is - as opposed to a mega hangover - or probably nothing at all).

Then after one day of sniffles, they are telling everyone theyve been bad for 4 or 5 days now 'and its gone gastric now and coming out of both ends, Oh and ive not eaten for months - Im fading away - get the priest.'

Nowadays they can also put it down to delayed shock following a bumming incident with a minor celebrity in the 70s too.......

But miraculously they improve by Friday night - to go to Michelle and Dave's engagement do and get shit-faced - and catch 'the bug' again

And its only f**kin mid-November!

Quote: Brian Bickerstaffe @ November 18 2012, 7:53 AM GMT

Knobs who can't park correctly in a parking space, say at a supermarket. They park at an angle, or too far over to one side - usually mine. Thank f**k I'm a mere slip of a lad and can often slither in without denting their door. God knows how a fat bastard would cope in a situation like that.

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Apart from suffering from 'Top of the Page Syndrome' I also suffer from bastards who're compelled to jam their cars alongside mine. My car has numerous scrapes and small dents, all of which have been done by anonymous bastards banging their car doors open against mine, regardless of the fact that I make a point of parking as far away from other cars as possible. I guarantee you that I can drive into an almost empty supermarket car park, park miles from the door, and I'll come back to find some arsehole jammed alongside. I've now taken to deliberately parking over 2 bays in the hope this will work. So if you see a car parked over 2 bays, do not imagine it's somebody who can't park properly. More likely it'll be somebody like me who's trying to avoid ending up in Court for taking an axe to another driver.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ November 18 2012, 2:51 PM GMT

People who use a cold as a way of collecting unwarranted amounts of sympathy. Yeah, we get it, you have the sniffles and a cough, we all get them, they suck, but it's not the end of the world.

The worst ones are the moaners who go on about it for days, in fact they get so caught up in their attention seeking egos, that when they talk, they forget to cough.

Until someone new walks in the room and asks 'How are you feeling?' and then they force a cough up to demonstrate just how poorly and ick they are.

As a final snotty kick in the balls, they ring up work and say they can't go in, that they're way too sick to sit at a computer all day typing - and then spend the whole day on Facebook.

Come on sickies, die or get off the pot.

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I've not been well but the Morphine party was awesome so I'm not complaining.
I didn't have to go to any boring old jungle to see giant spiders and clowns.

Quote: Loopey @ November 18 2012, 8:52 PM GMT

I've not been well but the Morphine party was awesome so I'm not complaining.
I didn't have to go to any boring old jungle to see giant spiders and clowns.

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Oh dear, hope you're feeling better now, Loopey.

Quote: Harridan @ November 18 2012, 9:12 PM GMT

Oh dear, hope you're feeling better now, Loopey.

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Thank you, yes I am. It will be a little while before I am whizzing around again. Really I'm just pissed off because it was while I was on holiday.

Quote: Loopey @ November 18 2012, 10:02 PM GMT

Thank you, yes I am. It will be a little while before I am whizzing around again. Really I'm just pissed off because it was while I was on holiday.

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It always is! I've had migraines for the last 3 weekends and it's driving me mad!

Quote: Harridan @ November 18 2012, 10:03 PM GMT

It always is! I've had migraines for the last 3 weekends and it's driving me mad!

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Tell me about it! A lovely cottage by the sea, chilling, writing, a trip to the cinema and visiting friends planned. I could have had the cool, dark, quiet room and mind messing meds at home for no extra cost. Grrrr. And even more GRRRRRRRR than that!

Well it's med time and bed time now, so have a good night y'all.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ November 18 2012, 2:51 PM GMT

People who use a cold as a way of collecting unwarranted amounts of sympathy. Yeah, we get it, you have the sniffles and a cough, we all get them, they suck, but it's not the end of the world.

The worst ones are the moaners who go on about it for days, in fact they get so caught up in their attention seeking egos, that when they talk, they forget to cough.

Until someone new walks in the room and asks 'How are you feeling?' and then they force a cough up to demonstrate just how poorly and ick they are.

As a final snotty kick in the balls, they ring up work and say they can't go in, that they're way too sick to sit at a computer all day typing - and then spend the whole day on Facebook.

Come on sickies, die or get off the pot.

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This, but when they also they describe their cold as flu. You wouldn't be in at work if you had flu, you idiots!

I've never really understood what flu is.

Does it actually even have anything in common with a cold?

Well the common cold is a rhinovirus and flu is an influenza virus. So they're different. I suppose some symptoms are similar though and that's where the confusion comes in.

So with the flu are you throwing up and stuff?