Davey is a backing singer for Tina Turner.

When Strumpet was a mere Flibbertijibbet she had aspirations to become a full blown Trollop or even a Harlot. Alas she was too oft' distracted by Ne'er-do-wells, Jackanapes and Footpads and had to settle for a career of Strumpetry instead. "That's life", she said. "And at least I'm not a Tart.."

I remember when I met Frankie Rage, everyone does though. Frankie Rage they say, is that the guy with all the tea pots?

Everyone just looks at them then. They know. They all know what's going on

The cheesey Wotsit was originally based on the size and shape of Daveys flaccid penis

Lofthouse is hardly what you'd call a 'romantic'. He hates the movie 'Cinderella', mostly because of the major plot hole that he's found. Surely if they searched every maiden in the land, some of them would have the same size feet!

And he said: "What kind of crazy person wears shoes made out of glass. She's a bloody lunatic!"

Davey Jay thinks beefs grow on plants

Mikey88 wonders why the other 87 Mikey's have forsaken him. They don't answer when he calls, they blocked him on facebook, they cross to the other side of the street when they see him. One day he'll find out.

It is a little known fact that Frankie Rage was the local purveyor of quality meats and vitals to the Oxford 'Piers Gaveston' society in the 1980's. As part of his contract he regularly supplied female pigs heads which he was required to 'dress up' by applying lipstick, eyeliner and a wig. He was then tasked with disposing of the head and these other items after the meetings.

He does remember one pig in particular from this period, a pig that he refers to as Monica Piglowinsky. He remembers this pig in particular because he had dressed it in a nice blue dress. A dress that he was firmly instructed to send to the cleaners by an excitable young red faced toff after the meeting. He cannot recall the name of the breathless and trouserless posh scamp but thinks it might be David 'something', or 'something' Cameron. He is not sure but hopes that cash might in some way help him remember more fully.

In fact Frankie did not send the dress to the cleaners as instructed but instead kept it along with all the other dresses in what he calls his pension box. Something he casually mentioned yesterday in passing to several tabloid newspapers and someone he refused to name but described as 'Lord Ashcroft'. He remembers this dress in particular as it had a big stain on the front. A stain that Frankie describes on his eBay listing for the dress as looking a bit like mayonnaise, or salad cream, or possibly spunk.

Playfull is fixated by an enormous black lipstick he calls Avatar, or was that asphyxiated by an enormous black.... Oh it's one of the two.

Nick Nock, paddy whack,
Give a dog a bone

We're going to have to keep an eye on this perv.

HGT has a friend who's wife's third cousin's has a cleaning lady who once shook hands with someone from the Aristocracy. The Aristocrat was later convicted of being a perv; not that this narrows it down. Or am I thinking of HGV ?

After the rampage, Nick Nockerty buried the heavily bloodied spatula behind my garden shed. Once it was safe to do so, I recovered this implement of death and destruction, hid it, and passed details of its whereabouts on to my solicitor. In the event of anything untoward happening to me, my solicitor has strict instructions to release this information to the appropriate authorities, which is the only reason I'm in a position to reveal this to you today. Otherwise, Mr. Nockerty would have arranged for my, 'disappearance' long ago.

AdeO thinks his name is the alphabet

In the late 90s, Davey Jay discovered a wonder drug that cures every ailment known to man. He's just too mean spirited to share it.

Hey Davey, it's great laughing at all the new people and not sharing the wonder drug isn't it? I reckon AdeO also thinks his name is counting.