Mikey88 likes long hot showers late at night while clutching a daffodil between his teeth.

Strumpet

Strumpet is a portmanteau of stale and crumpet. Strumpet adopted the name when she left Greggs, having been sacked for her poor stock control skills.

AdeO once feed a police horse a kilo of carrot while singing the National Anthem.

Strumpet

Strumpet once asked me to trim her bush, but my shears were blunt at the time.

HGT works as a consultant in the PR dept of the 'Lard Marketing Board' an Anglo Australian NGO set up by the Lard industry in both countries to promote the wonderful benefits of Lard. He has been tasked with coming up with new and engaging ways of promoting the wider use of Lard.
'Ummm isn't Lard loverly?' Was one of his campaigns as was 'Lard, an everyday essential for sex with a pensioner'.

Lard has largely fallen out of use in recent years after being unfairly linked with premature deaths from heart disease. Something which HGT strongly denies is true.
"The facts just don't support this" he said, "As a farmer I know cows are made almost entirely from Lard and you don't see them dying from heart disease do you?"

He has great hopes for his next great promotional campaign - Lard soup. 'With the great taste of warm lard!'
His one real success to date was in somehow persuading cross channel swimmers to coat themselves in Lard before attempting the swim. Even he has no idea why they actually agreed to do this.

Playfull recently lost his PR job at K-Y Jelly to David Cameron. K-Y wanted someone slimy.

I'd like to tell the story of Nick's first kiss if you will let me.

It was a sunny afternoon and Nick and the gang were playing about at the park.

Gertrude, who Nick was soft on suddenly ushered him into the bushes.

"What's up?" said Nick, unsure of what was up.

"I find you reet sexy" said Gertrude, "I wanna give you a reet big kiss" putting down her sack of doughnuts.

Suddenly, Gertrude started licking his face and biting his nose, He was covered in slobber.

It wasn't quite how he expected it to be but what the hell, this was his first kiss!

Gertrude positioned her slobbery face in the correct position and started letting her mouth car wash move to Nicks mouth area. A tongue started coming inside his mouth.

'furry' he thought to himself.

Davy is the love child of Wavy Mavy and Arkwright. Although it's not clear if Wavy was "Open all hours". Davy still can't decided which dog he should adopt or even what to name them. More recently his eye has wandered towards rabbits; he's a fickle fellow.

Nick calls his trouser snake Gerald Cucumber.

...and Mr. Grytpype Thynne calls his Gertrude Gerkin.

AdeO loves aids Yo!

He loves cherry aid, lemon aid, sex aids, all kind of aids. He's just crazy for aids!

having aids for a hobby isn't without it's benefits either. he recently started a business selling hearing aids. It generally went well but he sometimes found it a hard sell in the streets. He had to shout at the deaf festival though. He was shouting, "I'VE GOT AIDS! WHO WANTS ME TO GIVE THEM AIDS?"

Davey jay doesn't get shot. The bullet gets Davey Jayed.

That's how he introduces himself at business meetings. "I'm mother f**king Davey Jay" he says "and I like to mother f**king rock this shit"

He's a sales rep for a toilet cleaning company.

I had sex with Mikey88's mother last night. I thought she would be a real screamer!

But she just kind of cried quietly.

Davey should be enjoyed only as part of a calorie controlled diet

Lofthouse wears a naked Diane Abbot body suit around the house...and sometimes to the shops...and occasionally to work...

He denies this is anything sexual and insists it is purely because the creases are handy for carrying toast.