British Comedy Guide

I went to a restaurant Page 16

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Marc P

  • Thursday 6th February 2014, 10:15pm
  • England
  • 17,698 posts

I went to a stone angels concert once and ordered a burger at the concessionary stand. When I saw the bill I didn't blink once.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Tuesday 11th February 2014, 9:25am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,373 posts

Why do Daleks sometimes skip breakfast? Because sometimes eggs terminate, eggs terminate.

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sootyj

  • Tuesday 11th February 2014, 2:52pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

Surely that would be, what does a Dalek abortionist say.

I went to an illegal game restaurant, everything was poached

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 12th February 2014, 5:03pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,373 posts
Quote: sootyj @ 11th February 2014, 2:52 PM GMT

Surely that would be, what does a Dalek abortionist say.


You're right. Incidentally I hope you've submitted your boar one-liner to Newsrevue.
A vegetarian ate venison by mistake. He said, Oh deer.

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playfull

  • Sunday 23rd February 2014, 10:13pm [Edited]
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,856 posts

I went to a Ukrainian restaurant and asked for an authentic Chicken Kiev. They said they could not serve me the real Chicken of Kiev as no one knew where Viktor Yanukovych was hiding...

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billwill

  • Monday 24th February 2014, 10:52pm
  • North London, England
  • 5,833 posts

I went to a pub and I ordered a beer. But they only had lager.

I can't believe its not Bitter.

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another40winks

  • Tuesday 4th March 2014, 2:51pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 76 posts

I went to a ginger bearded celebrity chef's restaurant the other day and said "I'll have what the staff are having". When they went to prepare it I stole four blocks of cheddar and a bottle of chardonnay

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another40winks

  • Tuesday 4th March 2014, 3:16pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 76 posts

I went to little chef the other day and said "I'll have what the staff are having" they served me a redundancy letter

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another40winks

  • Wednesday 5th March 2014, 3:08pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 76 posts

I went to Mcdonald's the other day and said "I'll have what the staff are having" I was stript of my GCSE's and now have aids

I went to a bulimic restaurant the other day and said "I'll have what the staff are having" the waitress replied "I'm sorry sir this restaurant is exclusively for women"

I went to a restaurant in Glasgow the other day and said "I'll have what the staff are having". As the waiter went to the kitchen I realised the smell in there was disgusting so I promptly left. On my way across the car park the smell was just a strong and unbearable. I then drove 10 miles south and it was just a strong. F**k me Glasgow Stinks.

I've just realised I am Frankie Boyle without the DVD sales

P.S no offence intended

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Sunday 6th April 2014, 12:16pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,373 posts

I want to be like my father, and vomit into footwear. Big boots to fill.

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NTDodd

  • Saturday 19th April 2014, 12:39am
  • England
  • 32 posts

I didn't go to the restaurant. my mum made me a packed lunch.

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Blobster

  • Wednesday 23rd April 2014, 9:41pm [Edited]
  • Providence, Rhode Island, United States
  • 321 posts

I went to the staff restaurant at "UK Gold"... the food tasted funny at first, then it kept repeating on me.

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sootyj

  • Wednesday 23rd April 2014, 9:45pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts
Quote: another40winks @ 4th March 2014, 3:16 PM GMT

I went to little chef the other day and said "I'll have what the staff are having" they served me a redundancy letter


I went to a little chef restaurant the other day

and said didn't you used to be on the telly

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Paul Chisholm

  • Thursday 24th April 2014, 12:28pm [Edited]
  • England
  • 19 posts
Quote: another40winks @ 5th March 2014, 3:08 PM GMT

I went to Mcdonald's the other day and said "I'll have what the staff are having" I was stript of my GCSE's and now have aids

I went to a bulimic restaurant the other day and said "I'll have what the staff are having" the waitress replied "I'm sorry sir this restaurant is exclusively for women"

I went to a restaurant in Glasgow the other day and said "I'll have what the staff are having". As the waiter went to the kitchen I realised the smell in there was disgusting so I promptly left. On my way across the car park the smell was just a strong and unbearable. I then drove 10 miles south and it was just a strong. F**k me Glasgow Stinks.

I've just realised I am Frankie Boyle without the DVD sales

P.S no offence intended


They are all terrible. You're also Frankie Boyle without the laughs. (The aids bit made me laugh a bit though , I must admit)

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sootyj

  • Thursday 24th April 2014, 12:30pm
  • England
  • 51,287 posts

I went to John Wayne's drug rehab and dairy intolerance clinic

I got off the horse and drank my milk