British Comedy Guide

I went to a restaurant Page 19

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Craig Hosie

  • Wednesday 7th September 2016, 9:01am
  • Glasgow, Scotland
  • 8 posts

I went to a fitness restaurant and said "I'll have what the staff are having".

I could barely finish the assault course.

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Tursiops

  • Thursday 8th September 2016, 1:57pm
  • Welwyn Garden City, England
  • 9,788 posts

I went to Byron Burger and I said I'll have what the staff are having.

They do a good fry-up in Harmondsworth.

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billwill

  • Friday 9th September 2016, 4:05pm
  • North London, England
  • 5,820 posts

I was pissed off at work, so I went to a restaurant in quite a stew.
They served me.

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Frankie Mildly Perturbed

  • Friday 7th October 2016, 2:05pm
  • London, United Kingdom
  • 5,495 posts

My local Indian Restaurant is also operating as a massage parlour. It's rhoti downstairs and rooty tooty upstairs.

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RedZed333

  • Tuesday 11th October 2016, 2:19pm
  • Santa's Workshop, Christmas Island
  • 642 posts

The Blackpool landlady asked me what I wanted for breakfast...

I said can you do undercooked bacon, burnt sausages, snotty egg, cold beans, two slices of stale bread and a cup of tea weak as gnats piss..?

She said yes...

I thought, well that's that joke f**ked...

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playfull

  • Friday 21st June 2019, 1:51pm
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,792 posts

I went to a Jamie's Italian...but apparently no one else did.

Anyone know where i can go now to spend £20 on about 27 pence worth of pasta?

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Saturday 22nd June 2019, 11:23am [Edited]
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,230 posts

Dian a Ross went to a sea food restaurant. She said, I want mussels.

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playfull

  • Sunday 23rd June 2019, 10:36am
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,792 posts

I went to the Boris Johnson restaurant...it was mainly waffle..

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Ewie

  • Thursday 22nd August 2019, 5:48am [Edited]
  • Australia
  • 1 posts

I went to a William Hills restaurant...
I said Ill have a couple of favourites...
I didnt think horse would be so tough....
it was 50% off...wish Id got the fresh half...what are the odds of that hey?

I went to an Angular Merkel restaurant...
....well three square meals a day they say...

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playfull

  • Friday 23rd August 2019, 2:46pm
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,792 posts

I went to the Brazilian rain-forest cafe, but had to leave as i couldn't find a non smoking section...

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 28th August 2019, 11:53am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,230 posts

I went to a McDonald's. My wife said, 'Go eat shit.'

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playfull

  • Friday 30th August 2019, 2:59pm
  • Nottingham, England
  • 1,792 posts

I went to a restaurant and though it was very busy and i hadn't booked, i was lucky that they managed to find me a nice table. The service was very good and the food excellent. When the bill came i was delighted to find it was on the house! on top of which they sent me home with a complimentary bottle of wine and paid for my Uber.
Best thing i ever did, changing my name by deed poll to 'Mr Mystery Shopper'...

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Monday 2nd September 2019, 11:42am
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,230 posts

I went to dinner with Oscar Pistorius. Wouldn't foot the bill.

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Michael Monkhouse

  • Wednesday 2nd October 2019, 1:41pm
  • Eternal City, Italy
  • 5,230 posts

Heard about the stuck-up bread? It was a-loof.