Juan's middle name is Con

He is the most agreeable man in the world.

sootyj is handsome, charming, witty, intelligent - and an all round good egg.

Unfounded claims please!

Sooty has a facial stump where his nose should be.

Nat lives in Sootyj's facial stump and owe's him rent.

He suspect she's been keeping cats contrary to her tenancy.

SootyJ is the alter-ego of Peter Stringfellow.

Roscoff actually lives in whales with the Jonas brothers

Sootyj bottles the pain caused by wet flicky-towel and sells it at his S&M club in Hull.

They say that a pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. When Will fornicates with one (which is often)the pig don't come! Will does though.

Juan Kerr was the inventer of the ruler... he made up the measurements on it to create the illusion he was "bigger" than he was. Men forever have believed 6 inches to be a lot smaller than it actually is.

elliejp applied for employment with The Department of Filth. Bernard Manning was the minister - and he was the most presentable person there.
Ellie didnt get the job on the grounds of leering at mags of open leg shots of goats, urinating in the waiting room then farting 'Una Paloma Blanca'whilst stood on a coffee table.

Juan Kerr is banned from his local golf course for filling in all the bunkers with his own turd.

John Lucas has every issue of Razzle ever published, yet ironically does not find the naked female form at all pleasing.

Chipolata was so named by the only woman he's ever slept with.

Godot has written over a thousand fan letters to Russel T. Davis, thanking him for making Doctor Who watchable again.