Quote: Bill Jaguar @ September 14 2011, 7:52 PM BST

Tuumble went out to visit the sea,
Fumbling his keys for all to see,
Bumbling his way, whilst fumbling his keys,
Bumbling his way towards the sea,
Mumbling away, he went to quay beside the sea,

Tuumble fumbled, bumbled and fumbled, bumbled and mumbled did he,
Tuumble fumbled, bumbled and mumbled but forgot to take me

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*Breaks thread to laugh out loud

Will Cam is fully aware of the rules of this thread

Big Jack, unlike Will Cam, is horribly unaware of what Tuumble did to me.

Bill Jaguar raped me in the mouth when my eyes weren't looking.

Charley's eyes may not have been looking but her mouth was and it consented.

Bill Jaguar was once part of a comedy triple act called "Little and Large and Medium", but was dropped because he was not extreme enough.

The rest is history.

Big Jack weighs in at almost 300 pounds but it is pretty irrelevant due to his being an estranged astronaut.

Big Jack plays the back end of the horse in a pantomime.

Ellie once kicked a Rainbow in the nuts

Steve Sunshine eats the flakes of the dirtiest tramp's dry sick (if he is not available she eats Sootyj's instead).

Will Cam is Britain's best liar, although he stresses that he isn't.

It's f**king Bill Jaguar every f**king time. When do I get to make an unfounded claim about a different poster above me ever?

Big Jack has a dimmer switch on the back of his head. At present it is set to 'very dim'.

Will has a mouse on his desk that's actually a mouse.

Ellie invented wiping your arse. In theory, you should pay her royalties of £1.22 every time you wipe.