Oh thank you. Was I the only one who didn't understand - or are you all so sad you have to meet people on dating sites?
(Says someone who met a Kiwi online 5 years ago.)
Tell us a joke Page 78
Quote: Chappers @ 6th September 2014, 11:37 PM BSTOh thank you. Was I the only one who didn't understand - or are you all so sad you have to meet people on dating sites?
(Says someone who met a Kiwi online 5 years ago.)
I Didn't realise flightless New Zealand birds could use the internet! but that's one way to get a pet!
Peter 'Pie' Pecker, obese bridge player, has died from a heart attack. It was on the cards.
Quote: Chappers @ 6th September 2014, 11:37 PM BSTOh thank you. Was I the only one who didn't understand - or are you all so sad you have to meet people on dating sites?
(Says someone who met a Kiwi online 5 years ago.)
No, I had no idea either. 
Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ 7th September 2014, 2:53 AM BSTI Didn't realise flightless New Zealand birds could use the internet! but that's one way to get a pet!
They have got long beaks.
I went on holiday to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. While I was there
I popped into the Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Gift Shop... and I bought a stick of rock with 'Welcom to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch'
written all the way through it . - But I had to leave it there... Cos' I couldn't pick it up.
-The trouble with living in a village with such a long name is it makes it very difficult to say- but very
easy to find on a map, unlike the nearby Welsh village of Llitoris, which is apparently very
difficult to find. - But a lot easier to get your tongue round.
Llitoris was a mining village, but in the end there were less men going down to get to work,
because it was all being done by machinery down there...
English village names sound more like dead character Actors... Langton Matravers,
Action Turville -"The Finest Hamlet in The Cotswolds" ... And I once spent a dirty weekend
In Denholm Elliot .
Anyone see Alex Salmond on the independence show the other night? He is definitely a masterdebater.
My law and order routine:
I was arrested and put in a room in the police station.
I said "Why are walls yellow and wet?"
He said "It's the custardy suite"
Then the water was up to my knees and my brother came in with a bucket.
He said "I'm here to bail you out"
The sergeant said "Have you been arrested for murder before?"
I said "No, I got away with it last time."
I said to him "I'm feeling very run down"
He said, "It's ok, I'm going to charge you in a minute"
I said "I want to visit my solicitor"
He said "Why?"
I said "He's in Barbados"
Then he said "You are under arrest, you do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court, Anything you do say may be given in evidence."
I said "I was hoping for a shorter sentence."
He switched a machine on and said "I'm going to make a record of everything you say"
I went, "a-one, a-two, a one two three four..."
I was doing a Russian literature exam at Oxford when I realised the senior professor invigilating had, had sex with me for money the night before.
What was Mikhail Sholokhov most famous book whispered a fellow student
Quiet Ho's a don
Thanks
Quote: sootyj @ 9th September 2014, 11:31 PM BSTI was doing a Russian literature exam at Oxford when I realised the senior professor invigilating had, had sex with me for money the night before.
What was Mikhail Sholokhov most famous book whispered a fellow student
Quiet Ho's a don
Thanks
F**kin' hell. One for the University Graduates? waaay beyond me. I'm happy with nob gags.
Mikhail Shokolov's seminal work was Quiet Flows the Don.
Mixed results at the poultry show.
My trousers fell down, but my cock won a prize!
You're cock won a prize
how emotional
was it choked.
Quote: sootyj @ 9th September 2014, 11:40 PM BSTMikhail Shokolov's seminal work was Quiet Flows the Don.
I like to 'get' gags that I think others won't, but this is too far for me. I've never heard of Shokolov. (though, as my custom, I will check him out now.)
Reg ultimately it's an anti joke, it's ridiculousness is the joke not the joke it's self.