Your second re my duality comment is to link things clearly. What sort of job did the dad do for example. Not this but: My dad used to be a professional athlete but he got fired for getting hire. Which is ironic because he was a pole vaulter.
Likewise the last joke re Segway. The material is there, has been done before but most things have but you need to shape the material linking the names. Not this but: it's ironic to think that Thomas Crappers business like everyone else's went down the toilet.

If that makes sense?

Like I said originally, well done for persisting that is good and it takes everyone work to craft a good joke. I would recommend as you asked about courses to have a good read of The Comic Toolbox meanwhile by Jon Vorhaus and keep at it.

One for Marc P

In the original Alice in Wonderland there was a third brother who was a country gent
He was called Tweedle do

He was worsted in a fight with his brothers!

I once stopped a Scottish lady from winning Britains Got Talent using underhand methods.
It was Subotage

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 30th August 2014, 2:04 AM BST

But where? Links?

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I have no idea style you will have to trawl through I guess although if they are in critique any tinkering would have been done already so not much use in feedback now really. Most of my jokes are pun based like the one above if that helps. So there is one I guess? They tend to be throw away but by all means any feedback is welcomed.

Here's a new one for you if you like.

A man walked in to Thomas Crappers prototype workshop in 1872 and asked if he had any jobs going.

Shit!

My uncles over seven foot tall and works with stone. He's a monumental mason.

His twin brother is the same height and is high up in a certain clique organisation. That's right... He's a monumental mason too.

Quote: Marc P @ 29th August 2014, 10:17 PM BST

The third one denies any socio-cultural development in comedy from the last forty years.

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Be that as it may, it's still the best one by far. If you want to be PC about it, you could mention how you got into a fight with the Cyclops. You don't really need the follow-ups though, because some of them are a bit old, and I think you're over-egging the pun-pudding.

Quote: Marc P @ 29th August 2014, 11:23 PM BST

On this one for example Callum it makes no sense because why would you befriend a bush? I see what you are doing in a Tim Vine sort of way... But maybe link it to tree huggers or something to give it a more believable set up before the punch if you see what I mean?

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The thing is (despite the fact that the joke makes no real sense as is, although Marc's treehugging idea might pull it together), like the bandwagion gag we had the other day, all it's doing is stripping back a piece of every day metaphor.

A thorn in your side hurts, therefore people started applying this image to anything that is annoying: if you just turn backwards and literalise the idiom again, you might get a brief laugh of surprise, but to me it's unsatisfactory, because you've not really done anything. I know I'm probably in the minority here, and lots of people (not least Tim Vine) will argue I'm wrong, but I'm still going to say it anyway: this sort of thing isn't a pun, it's an un, there's no real joke there.

I think you need some sort of twist to make a joke. "I got the Icelandic alphabet tatooed on my flank the other day, and it really stings - talk about a thorn in my side". That's obviously very shit, and relies on some pretty obscure orthographical knowledge to work (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thorn_%28letter%29), but it's an attempt to do something creative, if you see what I mean.

So, essentialy, do what I just did, but make sure you do it much, much better.

The Israeli Motor Company have designed a revolutionary new car.
It has 2 wheels at the front and 3 wheels at the back.

They have named it the 3 by 2.

The term you're looking for I think is 4 by 2.

Go on then 4X2. The car is even more revolutionary

I met this girl called rose,
I took her flower, now she's nothing but a thorn in my side!

My girlfriend's been a thorn in my side ever since I met her....
Buying roses at the garden centre.

I climbed into a bed of roses to retrieve an old Eurhythmics Record and after getting scratch to pieces was left with a Thorn in my Side.

My sister in law has false teeth. She lies through them.

Quote: Marc P @ 30th August 2014, 12:19 AM BST

Your second re my duality comment is to link things clearly. What sort of job did the dad do for example. Not this but: My dad used to be a professional athlete but he got fired for getting hire. Which is ironic because he was a pole vaulter.
Likewise the last joke re Segway. The material is there, has been done before but most things have but you need to shape the material linking the names. Not this but: it's ironic to think that Thomas Crappers business like everyone else's went down the toilet.

If that makes sense?

Like I said originally, well done for persisting that is good and it takes everyone work to craft a good joke. I would recommend as you asked about courses to have a good read of The Comic Toolbox meanwhile by Jon Vorhaus and keep at it.

View original

Ok thanks. I can see what you mean by the bush one. I think I can make the situation more plausible then - would looking after a neighbours holly bush work?

The Segway joke I think I could try and phrase better as to make the joke clearer.

I'll take a look at the comic tool box, any other recommendations? Logan Murray has a book with good reviews which I may look at.

Quote: gappy @ 30th August 2014, 12:58 PM BST

Be that as it may, it's still the best one by far. If you want to be PC about it, you could mention how you got into a fight with the Cyclops. You don't really need the follow-ups though, because some of them are a bit old, and I think you're over-egging the pun-pudding.

The thing is (despite the fact that the joke makes no real sense as is, although Marc's treehugging idea might pull it together), like the bandwagion gag we had the other day, all it's doing is stripping back a piece of every day metaphor.

A thorn in your side hurts, therefore people started applying this image to anything that is annoying: if you just turn backwards and literalise the idiom again, you might get a brief laugh of surprise, but to me it's unsatisfactory, because you've not really done anything. I know I'm probably in the minority here, and lots of people (not least Tim Vine) will argue I'm wrong, but I'm still going to say it anyway: this sort of thing isn't a pun, it's an un, there's no real joke there.

I think you need some sort of twist to make a joke. "I got the Icelandic alphabet tatooed on my flank the other day, and it really stings - talk about a thorn in my side". That's obviously very shit, and relies on some pretty obscure orthographical knowledge to work (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thorn_%28letter%29), but it's an attempt to do something creative, if you see what I mean.

So, essentialy, do what I just did, but make sure you do it much, much better.

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So with 'I recently got into a fight with a dwarf ... lets just say we didn't see eye to eye' I should leave it there? Originally I had done but thought id try the others. I see what you mean about over-egging the puns.

I see what you mean although I'm not sure many (I didn't at least) would get the Icelandic alphabet reference hence why I tried to stick to a well known plant.

So would you recommend finding the punchline first and then seeing what makes sense to go beforehand?

If you can get them from the library read lots. I don't know about other books but I really rate The Comic Toolbox.

Yes the first re working of the joke is better. The thorny issue is still the thorn I guess. Let me ponder a tick.

People talk about a thorn in their side. I had to look after my neighbours holly bush one summer, and that was a pain in the backside!

Still not great as the contrivance is too obvious.

Quote: CallumS @ 30th August 2014, 2:44 PM BST

So with 'I recently got into a fight with a dwarf ... lets just say we didn't see eye to eye' I should leave it there? Originally I had done but thought id try the others. I see what you mean about over-egging the puns.

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My objection to this is not really PC as gappy suggests. You may not know but Dwarfism is a serious medical disfiguring condition. Even if it was just about small people and not just Dwarfs you are making the kind of obvious hurtful comments they have heard all their lives, which is a bit mean really.

Quote: CallumS @ 30th August 2014, 2:44 PM BST

I see what you mean although I'm not sure many (I didn't at least) would get the Icelandic alphabet reference

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It's a Thor subject with him.