Then, 15 minutes in, he realised he was one of the guests, talking about his incestuous relationship with a caravan. It won a BAFTA.

Dellas was the producer.

Iggy Rake can now break wind to the 'Match of the Day' theme tune - start to finish.
Previously he could only manage the first two bars before following through - with very messy consequences. However after intense training at altitude over the last three months with a top anal guru - his sphincter muscles are now top notch - and not a pellet shall pass during said rendition of the top telly footy theme.

That's actually very close to the truth. Brian Bickerstaffe is telepathic.

Now for the unfounded bit: Brian Bickerstaffe once trained a goat to cry.

Ignatius is rather fond of Malcolm Rifkind. He is an avid collector of any paraphernalia related to Malcolm Rifkind. Ignatius is the go-to-guy for any juicy titbits that involve Malcolm Rifkind. Ignatius's home is a shrine to Malcolm Rifkind. Ignatius scored 30 points on Mastermind when answering questions on his specialised subject 'Malcolm Rifkind' although he let himself down on general knowledge. Ignatius knows more about Malcolm Rifkind than Malcolm Rifkind. Ignatius's ambition is one day to attach himself to Malcolm Rifkind using superglue or possibly velcro and become a makeshift Malcolm Rifkind siamese twin.

Again, disturbingly accurate.

Nigel Kelly leaves the tops of paints in the hope they'll learn to drive.

Ignatius Rake ate Freddie Starr...and his hamster

Nicky Liar is bald, he colours his hair in with felt tip pens.

SweetieDarling is an impressionist who paints country landscapes using their buttocks

Not for Brian Brane the delights of iambic pentameter: he writes in multiverse.

Stylee Ting Tings Motto is
10 PRINT "Stylee"; 20 GOTO 10

Steve Sunshine would love a total fry up breakfast massage, so envigorating and minus those awful calories.

dellas lives in the bogs at a Swindon branch of McDonalds.

Harridan is dellas's next-door neighbour.

Stylee is madly in love with Boris Johnson and has been stalking him for years.

SweetieDarling is not an anagram of Wasted Lingerie.