British Comedy Guide

I read the news today oh boy! Page 1,578

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 20th May 2014, 10:45 PM BST

Someone on Facebook has already put up a 'fake' open letter from Nigel Farage copied from his full page advertisement and put the N and F very closely together in the style of the old National Front.

Obviously, only people over 30 got the joke because the NF disappeared a long time ago.

They've got 27,000 fans on Facebook.

Still around

http://www.national-front.org.uk/

Quote: Jennie @ 20th May 2014, 10:47 PM BST

Is that supposed to be a policy? I'm worried about my tax bill, if anyone's interested. We are all worriers.

Send it to Nige he can use it as a policy.

Quote: Jennie @ 20th May 2014, 10:45 PM BST

What if we say no, we'd like to stay in the EU? Do they then cease to exist?

You've still not dealt with the lack of any policies point, Renny. I may just be an unthinking leftie, but I do like to see an actual policy or two before I think about voting for someone.

I would certainly like to see a detailed economic analysis from UKIP as to the effects of leaving the EU. Because most economists seem to think it would be pretty f**king catastrophic.

Again, I just posted up 5 policies, ignore them, etc...

Yes, if we vote to stay in the EU, than I imagine the party will cease to exist. If we vote to leave the EU, than I imagine the party will keep on going, particularly if the UK follows the Irish government's lead and arranges another referendum in a few months time and tries to bribe the electorate to change their minds.

Most economists didn't predict the global economic crisis or the problems with the Euro. We do know there are plenty of countries not in the EU who are doing great and as the 6th largest economy in the world, it would have to be pretty darn disastrous. I, of course, ignore all these warnings of doom and gloom because that plays into the politics of fear...Hmm, who else has been accused of spreading fear to get votes recently?

Quote: lofthouse @ 20th May 2014, 10:47 PM BST

Still around

http://www.national-front.org.uk/

Really? They need new PR people. I was able to list the Animal Welfare Party ahead of them and only me and two other people knows it exists.

Quote: Jennie @ 20th May 2014, 10:47 PM BST

Is that supposed to be a policy? I'm worried about my tax bill, if anyone's interested. We are all worriers.

Does your tax bill come from a country overrun by organised crime? Are gangs of tax bills pickpocketing on Oxford Street? Has your tax bill committed credit card and cash point fraud recently? How about sex trafficking, will your tax bill get me a nice teenager?

Why in the world would anyone be worried about organised criminal gangs from Eastern Europe, they don't exist and are purely figments of Nigel Farage's imagination - and Metropolitan Police crime statistics - but other than that, they're as real as the Easter Bunny.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 20th May 2014, 10:54 PM BST

How about sex trafficking, will your tax bill get me a nice teenager?

According to my accountant, it seems my tax bill will get you a small island off Antigua :(

Anyway, I digress. My point is not that these things aren't a problem (they are - although the home grown lot are infinitely worse).

It is that "saying stuff is bad" isn't a policy. What's your solution to the bad stuff?

Quote: Jennie @ 20th May 2014, 10:59 PM BST

It is that "saying stuff is bad" isn't a policy. What's your solution to the bad stuff?

My solution has always been the same, the total implementation of a libertarian meritocracy. However, I would need to start my own society from fresh to get it off the ground as vested interests in the UK would never allow it.

In terms of what can be done today with a democratic framework, then it's easy stuff -

1. A tightening of borders and a points based immigration system. This would stop the flood of unskilled workers entering Britain, stop below minimum wage and workers rights exploitation and curtail sex trafficking.

2. Tax breaks for job creators, especially those in manufacturing.

3. A minimum of a 75% British workforce on all large UK infrastructure and government contracts.

4. The closure of all Job Centres and the money saved to be funnelled into university grants, new apprenticeship schemes or valid forms of job creation.

5. The building of new prisons, nuclear power plants and fracking mines. All of these must be 75% British owned.

6. A complete re-working of our education system to reflect real world requirements rather than a middle class notion of Victorian nostalgia and academia for it's own sake.

7. Asylum seekers and refugees must have a connection to Britain before being allowed to come here.

8. Large increases in defence spending, the world is a bad place. This can be paid for by means testing pensioners and charging war torn countries we're forced to go to in order to keep the peace.

9. Much tougher sentencing for violent crimes, including domestic abuse, but more lenient community order based verdicts for non-violent crimes.

10. A total reorganisation and fragmenting of the NHS. The Trusts are bloated, corrupt and full of 'jobs for the boys'. New infrastructure, new management practices and definitely new IT systems.

I have other ideas but there are 10 to be getting on with.

Oh, I know you have plenty of policies. I actually agree with you on a couple of them :O

But what about UKIP?

Of course those are all your policies, here's some of mine.

1 Royal family to be kept, with the addition of another 11 mini royal families. From the gay, disabled, BME and Muslim communities etc each to have one month completing royal duties to reflect England's diverse populace.

2 ASBOs to be replaced by trial by combat on national television, to the death if it involves listening to music popular with people under 30.

3 All courts to be replaced by the wheel of justice from Vic Reeves Big Night Out.

4 All panel shows to have a clapometer least popular contestant to be cooked on The Great British Cannibal Bake Off.

5 The Death Sentence to be introduced for 5 random laws, pulled from a hat once a week.

6 Fox hunting to be introduced but Fox's to be carried about in helicopters.

Sounds like good advice to me. Night night all.

Quote: Jennie @ 20th May 2014, 11:23 PM BST

Oh, I know you have plenty of policies. I actually agree with you on a couple of them :O

But what about UKIP?

RCP, why don't you put your money where your mouth is and actually join UKIP and become active?

7 the worldwide ethnic cleansing of zebras?

Quote: lofthouse @ 20th May 2014, 11:27 PM BST

7 the worldwide ethnic cleansing of zebras?

Then sootyj would HAVE TO vote for UKIP.

Quote: lofthouse @ 20th May 2014, 11:27 PM BST

7 the worldwide ethnic cleansing of zebras?

No no Lofty, we'd invite all the Zebras to a big Zebra party on a remote island. With everton mints and grass and whatever else those depraved, road crossing, bastards wanted.

And then....

Well when I'm in power, you and all your striped, mime, pony ass holes will see.

Quote: keewik @ 20th May 2014, 11:29 PM BST

Then sootyj would HAVE TO vote for UKIP.

I have scientific proof that Alex Salmond is infact a zebra.

Quote: sootyj @ 20th May 2014, 11:31 PM BST

No no Lofty, we'd invite all the Zebras to a big Zebra party on a remote island. With everton mints and grass and whatever else those depraved, road crossing, bastards wanted.

And then....

Well when I'm in power, you and all your striped, mime, pony ass holes will see.

I have scientific proof that Alex Salmond is infact a zebra.

Laughing out loud Laughing out loud Laughing out loud

Quote: keewik @ 20th May 2014, 11:27 PM BST

RCP, why don't you put your money where your mouth is and actually join UKIP and become active?

Because I value my privacy. I can't imagine what the press would do to me if they read my posts here and on Facebook. I'm more of a behind the scenes kind of puppet master.

But thank you for your support, please read this leaflet and if you have any questions, please feel free to visit my website: www.match.com/desperateRCneedsapityshag

Quote: Jennie @ 20th May 2014, 11:23 PM BST

Oh, I know you have plenty of policies. I actually agree with you on a couple of them :O

:O Indeed.

Quote: sootyj @ 20th May 2014, 11:24 PM BST

Of course those are all your policies, here's some of mine.

1 Royal family to be kept, with the addition of another 11 mini royal families. From the gay, disabled, BME and Muslim communities etc each to have one month completing royal duties to reflect England's diverse populace.

2 ASBOs to be replaced by trial by combat on national television, to the death if it involves listening to music popular with people under 30.

3 All courts to be replaced by the wheel of justice from Vic Reeves Big Night Out.

4 All panel shows to have a clapometer least popular contestant to be cooked on The Great British Cannibal Bake Off.

5 The Death Sentence to be introduced for 5 random laws, pulled from a hat once a week.

6 Fox hunting to be introduced but Fox's to be carried about in helicopters.

Laughing out loud Laughing out loud

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