Quote: Jennie @ 23rd May 2014, 12:12 AM BST

I'm talking about the abused person here - your boundaries are pretty f**ked up if you think it is OK for someone to repeatedly punch you.

As for the "some people just snap" argument - I've heard it plenty of times over the years at work. Funny how they never "just snap" in the pub with the big tough bloke, or with the police, or down the footie.

No, it's always at home with the mother of their kids who loves them and weighs half what they do. Funny that.

Ooh..what was her name? How exciting. I like to think I have one in the family tree. But I suspect we were more of the "stay at home and get drunk" types.

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I'll pm you.

Quote: Jennie @ 23rd May 2014, 12:15 AM BST

I'm not sure its unfair - that is seriously warped thinking. You are doing your kids so much harm by remaining in an abusive environment. You stay with your abusive f**k wit of boyfriend - social services will put your kids in care. They don't care whether you are the perpetrator or the victim of abuse - the fact remains that you are unable to protect your children.

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Some abusers will target only their partner. Women have died because they didn't want to upset their kids GCSEs.

Doesn't matter if the violence is directed at the kids or not - being in an abusive home is counted as abuse. Lots of people who go on to abuse themselves saw abuse as a child.

Quote: keewik @ 23rd May 2014, 12:16 AM BST

I'll pm you.

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Quote: sootyj @ 23rd May 2014, 12:15 AM BST

I'll be very sad if a belligerent drunk with a personality disorder shoves me infront of a tube. Or a grumpy mugger stabs me up because I don't hand my mobi over fast enough.

And I get classed as a second rate murder. Worthy of less sympathy and future avoidance than a murdered wife.

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I hate to say it, but you are sounding a bit RCP there, Soots. I never said yours would be a second rate murder! But perhaps a murder in a domestic context is often more foreseeable (and thus preventable) than you being shoved in front of the Westbound Central Line service to White City.

Ah not my point. That's certainly true although social services tend not to be that swift to remove.

Rather that one of the reasons a woman won't even contact the police, is she feels she's protecting the kids quality of life. And they may not even be aware she's being assaulted.

Abusers come in all shapes and sizes.

Quote: Ben @ 22nd May 2014, 10:36 PM BST

I'm at my parents tonight.

I've never voted in council, I only come out for the general election.

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So you don't care about bin emptying, police, fire, local planning,licencing, social services etc?

Should be the other way round but, overall, you should always, always vote.

Quote: Jennie @ 23rd May 2014, 12:22 AM BST

I hate to say it, but you are sounding a bit RCP there, Soots.

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I was referring to the article that lumped a very large number of homicides under a title and said or implied they were especially bad.

My murder on the Northern Line could be prevented by more funding for mental health, better monitoring or incarceration of violent offenders or more secure tube stations.

The atomisation of statistics rarely helps anyone.

And don't use RCP as an insulting similee he has feelings....apparently.

Yup, and that's why it is warped thinking that needs addressing before she gets involved in abusive relationships - which often means pre-16.

On the upside, they're saying these new 'copper cams' that the police are wearing are going to increase the number of people arrested for domestic violence.

Obviously, we can't talk about the part alcohol plays because we like booze. Some people can't even vote without being drunk.

Quote: Jennie @ 23rd May 2014, 12:22 AM BST

I hate to say it, but you are sounding a bit RCP there, Soots.

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High praise indeed.

Quote: sootyj @ 23rd May 2014, 12:25 AM BST

And don't use RCP as an insulting similee he has feelings....apparently.

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Is hungry a feeling?

Quote: sootyj @ 23rd May 2014, 12:25 AM BST

My murder on the Northern Line could be prevented by more funding for mental health, better monitoring or incarceration of violent offenders or more secure tube stations.

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I'm sorry to hear of your passing, good turn out at the funeral?

Quote: Jennie @ 23rd May 2014, 12:25 AM BST

Yup, and that's why it is warped thinking that needs addressing before she gets involved in abusive relationships - which often means pre-16.

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There is a biological aspect which you can't control. Sexual attraction means nice guys finish last.

Just as every woman has shagged an abusive man, every bloke has shagged a complete female nutter. Both of these examples should be in the care of the state, but you know, they were fit.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 23rd May 2014, 12:28 AM BST

On the upside, they're saying these new 'copper cams' that the police are wearing are going to increase the number of people arrested for domestic violence.

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Indeed, and for all my whinging about DV - I don't like it. If it records injuries sustained that is one thing. But often when a complainant is reluctant the police use the "she was very upset" line as evidence of guilt. Just cos she's crying and screaming doesn't mean he did it. It means she's cross/upset. Which could have a variety of causes.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 23rd May 2014, 12:28 AM BST

Obviously, we can't talk about the part alcohol plays because we like booze. Some people can't even vote without being drunk.

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It's true. Six months on the wagon and I have become a massive lightweight (or in the words of my friend "really cheap date"). The shame.

But yes, alcohol a huge factor.

Another problem is minority communities are often loath to use shelters. A faith or cultural group will make an individual feel dishonoured by anything from the type of food and cleaning products, to presence of immodestly dressed other clients.

So where as there are some specialist Muslim, Traveler etc shelters, not enough and too thinly spread.

[quote name="Renegade Carpark" post="1072905" date="23rd May 2014, 12:31
Just as every woman has shagged an abusive man, every bloke has shagged a complete female nutter. Both of these examples should be in the care of the state, but you know, they were fit.[/quote]
You're not suggesting a desire to have sex with you is a certifiable mental illness?

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 23rd May 2014, 12:31 AM BST

There is a biological aspect which you can't control. Sexual attraction means nice guys finish last.

Just as every woman has shagged an abusive man, every bloke has shagged a complete female nutter. Both of these examples should be in the care of the state, but you know, they were fit.

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Not every woman has shagged an abusive man. The problem is that some women confuse masculinity with aggression. A really alpha man is never aggressive. You just wouldn't mess with him.

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 23rd May 2014, 12:29 AM BST

..and idiotic types like you still believe the guff that such conflicts are altruistic.

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It's a good thing you live in a society full of idiotic types so you can freely write on a comedy forum that we are idiotic types. How did that come about by the way? Your freedom of speech and ability to criticise authority? Someone isn't connecting the dots.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 23rd May 2014, 12:28 AM BST

I'm sorry to hear of your passing, good turn out at the funeral?

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I've no idea no one invited me/

Quote: Jennie @ 23rd May 2014, 12:34 AM BST

Not every woman has shagged an abusive man.

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There are many forms of abuse - and it goes both ways - there are plenty of abusive women out there, they just don't use physical violence.

As for the nutters, it's an unwritten rule that the madder a bird is, the better she is in bed. It's when the sex is over that you regret it.