Quote: Tursiops @ 22nd May 2014, 11:00 PM BST

Jody McCarver - Red Flag

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It's funny you bring up music, some of the biggest role models to young women are successful female artists, so it's always mightily deflating when you hear about these women remaining in abusive relationships.

It sends out mixed messages - be proud, strong and independent...but put up with some guy punching you in the head.

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 22nd May 2014, 11:05 PM BST

Did your summer jacket get wet?

*YES! Get IN there, Stylee*

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Why didn't you reply to this on the Things That Piss You Off thread? Or is my old summer jacket national news now? Shock, horror, fashion fans, this style guru is contemplating buying a new jacket for this summer.

Details will be supplied once the right designer has been chosen.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 22nd May 2014, 10:50 PM BST

We could ban relationships, marriage and people living together? I think recent studies have shown that men who commit domestic violence are the ones most likely to commit violent crimes. So basically, scum is scum and no amount of education is going to change that.

As for getting women to recognise the warning signs, anecdotally speaking, there have been thousands of parents, sisters, brothers, etc. who've tried to convince loved ones to get away from a violent partner.

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I agree that it is easier to change the abusee than the abuser. The fact is, once someone is in a violent relationship, their boundaries and self worth have already been compromised to such an extent that the damage has already been done - they'd rather be abused than alone.

I remember once being in a relationship with someone who shouted at me in a way I didn't like. He did not hit me, didn't look like he would hit me. He didn't threaten me, nor was his language violent. But his shouting felt aggressive to me and for a split second I was scared. So I dumped him that very moment. Because I have been taught that no man should ever make me feel scared.

I cannot imagine being beaten and forgiving. I can't imagine feeling so low that I am prepared to be physically violated just to stay in a relationship. I cannot imagine picking my violent abusive partner over my children.

We need to get to people before the violence starts.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 22nd May 2014, 10:50 PM BST

I know from personal experience that trying to tell a woman she can't do something is an exercise in futility.

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Can't say I'm shocked by that.

Quote: Jennie @ 22nd May 2014, 11:13 PM BST

I agree that it is easier to change the abusee than the abuser. The fact is, once someone is in a violent relationship, their boundaries and self worth have already been compromised to such an extent that the damage has already been done - they'd rather be abused than alone.

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It's a contentious subject and it makes me angry when women don't report their abusers, because once that relationship ends, he's off to abuse another woman. Let's just be thankful that domestic violence is the exception and not the norm.

Quote: Jennie @ 22nd May 2014, 11:13 PM BST

Can't say I'm shocked by that.

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I console myself by being able to say: 'I told you so' when they eventually realise I was right all along and they're a bunch of silly girlies.

Quote: Ben @ 22nd May 2014, 10:36 PM BST

I'm at my parents tonight.

I've never voted in council, MEP elections to be honest. I only come out for the general election. I guess that, politically, I'm like those people who only support England during the World Cup.

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I'm truly horrified by that. As Jenny keeps saying, people died so that others could be allowed to vote. We should treasure this power.

Quote: keewik @ 22nd May 2014, 11:47 PM BST

I'm truly horrified by that. As Jenny keeps saying, people died so that others could be allowed to vote. We should treasure this power.

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What else do you expect? He supports Manchester United!

(Hesitates to mention that I've been living here just over a year and am not registered. That's one UKIP vote lost!)

Quote: keewik @ 22nd May 2014, 11:47 PM BST

I'm truly horrified by that. As Jenny keeps saying, people died so that others could be allowed to vote. We should treasure this power.

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If Scotland goes independent, who will be the main political parties fighting it out for leadership? Some commentators have suggested you could have the SNP in charge for the next few decades because of the lack of organised opposition, so I hope you like them.

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 22nd May 2014, 11:57 PM BST

You can big it up however you want, feed the proletariat the lie that it was all for altruism.. but it was purely to safeguard the economy and the ruling hierarchy. Under such a system, the workers are always expendable.. and always will be.

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That's why they did it alright, the soldiers, they saw the firing squads, concentration camps, the ethnic cleansing, the dismantling of any kind of democracy in the countries invaded and occupied by the Nazis and said to themselves: 'What about the UK commodities market?!'

Quote: keewik @ 22nd May 2014, 11:47 PM BST

I'm truly horrified by that. As Jenny keeps saying, people died so that others could be allowed to vote. We should treasure this power.

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Too right I stabbed this bastard who looked like he was going to vote BNP.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 22nd May 2014, 11:44 PM BST

I console myself by being able to say: 'I told you so' when they eventually realise I was right all along and they're a bunch of silly girlies.

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Yes dear.

Quote: Jennie @ 22nd May 2014, 11:13 PM BST

I agree that it is easier to change the abusee than the abuser. The fact is, once someone is in a violent relationship, their boundaries and self worth have already been compromised to such an extent that the damage has already been done - they'd rather be abused than alone.

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That's a generalization some people just snap. It's also unfair on some people who stick with an abusive partner out of a misguided sense of duty to their kids.

The alternative to voting is to stay at home and whinge about it.

It isn't perfect but it is the best we have.

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 22nd May 2014, 11:57 PM BST

I can't believe that people still believe this guff - people died so that bankers could carry on lending money with impunity and keep the ruling classes' status quo.. and that's it.

You can big it up however you want, feed the proletariat the lie that it was all for altruism.. but it was purely to safeguard the economy and the ruling hierarchy. Under such a system, the workers are always expendable.. and always will be.

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What a load of unbelievable and indeed incomprehensible shit. Spoken like a man. Go read about the suffragettes. I have one in my family tree - ardent socialist who lost a fortune through her hatred of bankers.

Quote: sootyj @ 23rd May 2014, 12:08 AM BST

That's a generalization some people just snap. It's also unfair on some people who stick with an abusive partner out of a misguided sense of duty to their kids.

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I'm talking about the abused person here - your boundaries are pretty f**ked up if you think it is OK for someone to repeatedly punch you.

As for the "some people just snap" argument - I've heard it plenty of times over the years at work. Funny how they never "just snap" in the pub with the big tough bloke, or with the police, or down the footie.

No, it's always at home with the mother of their kids who loves them and weighs half what they do. Funny that.

Quote: keewik @ 23rd May 2014, 12:10 AM BST

What a load of unbelievable and indeed incomprehensible shit. Spoken like a man. Go read about the suffragettes. I have one in my family tree - ardent socialist who lost a fortune through her hatred of bankers.

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Ooh..what was her name? How exciting. I like to think I have one in the family tree. But I suspect we were more of the "stay at home and get drunk" types.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 23rd May 2014, 12:03 AM BST

If Scotland goes independent, who will be the main political parties fighting it out for leadership? Some commentators have suggested you could have the SNP in charge for the next few decades because of the lack of organised opposition, so I hope you like them.

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I do , though I don't agree with all.of their policies.

Quote: sootyj @ 23rd May 2014, 12:08 AM BST

It's also unfair on some people who stick with an abusive partner out of a misguided sense of duty to their kids.

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I'm not sure its unfair - that is seriously warped thinking. You are doing your kids so much harm by remaining in an abusive environment. You stay with your abusive f**k wit of boyfriend - social services will put your kids in care. They don't care whether you are the perpetrator or the victim of abuse - the fact remains that you are unable to protect your children.

Also there were 636 murders in the UK last year, everyone uneccessary and avoidable.

I'm not in a relationship.

I'll be very sad if a belligerent drunk with a personality disorder shoves me infront of a tube. Or a grumpy mugger stabs me up because I don't hand my mobi over fast enough.

And I get classed as a second rate murder. Worthy of less sympathy and future avoidance than a murdered wife.

Deaths will always occur in any social services/legal forensic it's a bitter fact of life. But what do we do? Coppers making just in case arrests or section every husband who shouts about his tea being burned and Hull being robbed of the cup?

Better education, more hostels, more training for the police and sacking those who just won't learn.

But these will have a small impact, worth it though.