Neil Morrissey talks about Amanda Holden affair

Neil Morrissey has opened up about the affair he had with Amanda Holden.

Neil Morrissey talks about Amanda Holden affair

Neil Morrissey, who has never said sorry to Les Dennis for the affair with his wife Amanda Holden, insisted the marriage was already on the rocks before he became involved

When something is rumoured as possibly the worst British film ever, there's a car crash-type need to see it. And when you spy Cliff Richard and Rolf Harris cameoing as buskers during the opening credits you know you're in for a humdinger. This remake of Ray Cooney's 'whoops, where's me trousers?' farce casts Danny Dyer - who else? - as a black cabbie whose bigamist lifestyle is threatened with exposure after a dog food-eating tramp (Judi Dench - what was she thinking?) clocks him one with a handbag. Neil Morrissey sits on a chocolate cake, Richard Briers falls into a hedge, Christopher Biggins pushes Lionel Blair bum-first through a bathroom floor - no one emerges unscathed among the cameo-packed cast that reads largely like a roll-call for Brit TV legends you'd previously suspected deceased.

In this farce, Danny Dyer plays a man with more than one wife. Does that mean he's a Mormon? No, this is a Dyer movie so there is one too many Ms in that description.

When I was a kid, my parents took me to see the stage version of Run For Your Wife. I don't remember much about it but the audience definitely laughed.

This adaptation must surely be very different, then, because there are no funny jokes.

The closest it got to making me guffaw was when Lionel Blair's bottom fell through a bathroom ceiling.

Playing spot "so-and-so off the telly" will help pass the time as there are plenty of actors of Lionel's level in the cast, such as Neil Morrissey, Denise Van Outen and Christopher Biggins.

They are all more convincing than Danny attempting to play a loveable London bigamist covering his tracks.

I appreciate Run For Your Wife is supposed to be dumb, but rarely has a film aimed so low and missed its target so woefully.

Although this sitcom has never quite managed to be as good as the sum of its parts, it's been easy enough to watch.

And in the last episode tonight, it's a mini Smack The Pony reunion as we finally meet Tom's ex-wife, who is played by one of Sarah Alexander's former cast mates, Doon Mackichan.

Not only does the former Mrs Tom Marshall have an ability to get up people's noses (a bit like her annoying daughter), she also turns out to have the skills of a cat burglar as she manages to enter a house without actually being let in.

But before all that, Gemma (Alexander) has to cope with another unwelcome house guest - ex-husband Jason (Neil Morrissey), who has been kipping on her sofa since splitting up with Inca.

While assisting Jason with his love life, Gemma herself is still emotionally torn between soppy Tom (Nathaniel Parker) and toyboy Billy (Robert Sheehan) and as this is the final episode of the series, we should finally find out who she's going to choose.

Will she follow her head or her heart? Go for the yurt or the Scotch egg? Don't worry, that last sentence will make sense.

Sarah Alexander has revealed the hardest thing about playing a modern-day Mrs Robinson - snogging younger men. Despite the difficulties of locking lips with less mature actors, the former Coupling star is happy to play the older woman in BBC1 comedy show Me And Mrs Jones.

Sarah, 41, said: "In terms of getting older and moving on to the next stage, I am embracing it. I'm so thrilled to be a central lead in a comedy, particularly for BBC1."

But Sarah - playing Mrs Jones alongside on-screen ex-hubby Neil Morrissey and love interest Nathaniel Parker - confessed she was nervous about shooting steamy scenes with Misfits star Robert Sheehan - who is just 24. She said: "You wonder what they're thinking. You're wondering whether they're dreading it. It's an odd situation to be in."

Dippy Gemma's (Sarah Alexander) complicated private life continues to traumatise her in this family sitcom, as she swoons over teenager Billy (Robert Sheehan) - who's "like catnip to the ladies". Alfie, Gemma's son, has invited her to a party, causing his mother to worry that she's looking too "Boy George" in her get-up. Meanwhile Jason's (Neil Morrissey) sensuous Swedish girlfriend Inca - brimming with "angry sexuality" - is trying to cajole him into dance lessons.

Meanwhile on BBC One another family based sitcom had just begun, and while this series should be a hit, for some reason it feels a little... drab.

Me and Mrs Jones revolves around divorced mother of three Gemma Jones (Sarah Alexander), who is trying to raise two daughters, while her son has just returned from China to 'find himself'. Gemma not only work and family issues, but also has to deal with her ex-husband Jason (Neil Morrissey), who's now going out with a younger Swedish lady.

In terms of the cast, it looks great. The writers, Oriane Messina and Fay Rusling, worked with Alexander on Smack the Pony and later on one of my favourite shows, Green Wing. And Alexander as well as Morrissey are both established sitcom actors. But I just didn't find this show very funny.

Don't get me wrong, there are some laughs, such as the scene when Morrissey is at a children's football match and celebrates one of his daughters scoring a goal - unaware his face is covered in lipstick. However, most of it felt flat.

It could the fact that I'm familiar with their past work; I was expecting something more surreal and unusual from the writers. Not only was this not surreal enough, it wasn't as grounded in reality as either Friday Night Dinner, which also features a Green Wing actress in the form of Tamsin Greig, or the forthcoming Hebburn.

The show also featured the two daughters vomiting a lot, which was slightly off-putting. Personally, I feel that vomit and 'sick humour' are best applied under the "Elizabeth Mainwaring" rule - it's much funnier when it isn't shown, because the image in your head is much better than the one on screen.

Then again, it could just be that this episode had to follow perhaps the most awkward and unfunny episode of Have I Got News for You there's been in years. So in hindsight, Me and Mrs Jones probably deserves a second chance. Another viewing after a more joyful atmosphere may improve the output. At least I hope so.

Me and Mrs Jones opens with a goldfish in a toilet bowl. I can only guess that the goldfish took one look at the script and attempted to escape before his television career suffered irreparable damage.

Of the many unkind epithets suggested by Roget's Thesaurus, 'excruciating' is the one that best describes this show. Until I watched it, I did not realise it was physically possible to grit one's teeth, curl one's toes and clench one's sphincter all at the same time. And stay that way for half an hour.

Purportedly a romantic comedy, it is about as light and fluffy as a breeze block. Not the most sparkling of analogies, I grant you, but better than anything the lazy and witless script of Me and Mrs Jones had to offer.

"Houdini would have trouble getting out of this dress," grumbles our scatty, sexy heroine Gemma, as she writhes around in a store changing room. Houdini? The escapologist who died 88 years ago? Watch out for further thrillingly contemporary references to the general strike, Irish home rule, speakeasies and the disappearance of Amy Johnson.

Where the show strives to charm, it succeeds in irritating. I am a fan of Sarah Alexander, who plays Gemma, but here I found her wackiness so mannered as to be unbearable.

But the worst thing about Me and Mrs Jones is that no part of it rings true - not the characters, not the relationships and definitely not the dialogue. Romantic comedy needs to appear effortless, but every minute of this contrived, constipated monstrosity screams with the strain of it all.

A solidly dependable cast, including Nathaniel Parker and sitcom stalwart Neil Morrissey, tries so desperately hard to unearth humour from the barren comic landscape that I actually began to pity them. This is particularly true of Jonathan Bailey, lumbered with the Herculean and ultimately futile task of lending sympathy to Alfie, Mrs Jones' unremittingly loathsome eldest son, just back from his gap year abroad. Apart from a big mouth, an overinflated ego and a penchant for harassing women on public transport, Alfie also has a best mate in tow, who just might hit it off with his mum over the next five episodes.

This new comedy has such an impressive pedigree (it's written by Green Wing's Oriane Messina and Fay Rusling, and has a pretty strong cast list) that it's almost inevitable that the first episode will disappoint. But give it a chance because it could be a grower, especially among fans of suburban comedies such as the now defunct My Family and Outnumbered.

Sarah Alexander is perfect as the eponymous Mrs Jones, a scatty divorcee with a very modern family life (for which read complicated and messy). Swilling about in the mix of well-intentioned friends and school-age daughters she's got an ex-husband (Neil Morrissey), a grown-up son who returns from his gap year travels with an attractive friend in tow (Misfits' Robert Sheehan) and a handsome admirer (Nathaniel Parker) who the yummy mummies in the playground all fawn over. By the end of the episode she's snogged a man she barely knows and dragged a half-naked one into her bathroom. So which is the "Me" of the title?