British Comedy Guide

Newsjack 2017 Page 2

Newsjack. Angela Barnes. Copyright: BBC / Matt Stronge.

Newsjack

Topical satirical sketch show on Radio 4 Extra. The programme has an 'open door' policy allowing anyone to submit material

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GoWithIt

  • Thursday 26th January 2017, 2:08pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 113 posts

Doh! Thanks for the info guys! Unfortunately none of those are ringing an 'I wrote that!' bell for me either hehe!

J x

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Chris Hallam

  • Thursday 26th January 2017, 5:32pm
  • Exeter, United Kingdom
  • 41 posts

Good luck everyone!

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Mark

  • Thursday 26th January 2017, 6:39pm
  • Hampshire, England
  • 2634 posts

Hi all. Here's a credits list direct from the Newjack editing room (so still subject to last minute changes)...
https://www.comedy.co.uk/radio/newsjack/episodes/16/1/

Lots of names who haven't been on the show before in that list. Fingers crossed some of you are on there!

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GoWithIt

  • Thursday 26th January 2017, 7:49pm
  • United Kingdom
  • 113 posts

Nothing for me! On to next week! Perseverance! Also thanks for the credit link, it saves frantically refreshing the old email inbox ever 1.5 seconds hehe!

J x

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steve by any other name

  • Thursday 26th January 2017, 8:49pm
  • Northampton, England
  • 831 posts

I'm in. Only submitted the oneliners but managed to scrape together a full house.

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Bonzo

  • Friday 27th January 2017, 8:02am
  • London, England
  • 694 posts
Quote: steve by any other name @ 26th January 2017, 8:49 PM

I'm in. Only submitted the oneliners but managed to scrape together a full house.

Congratulations! Which was yours? :)

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GoWithIt

  • Friday 27th January 2017, 8:30am
  • United Kingdom
  • 113 posts
Quote: steve by any other name @ 26th January 2017, 8:49 PM

I'm in. Only submitted the oneliners but managed to scrape together a full house.

Brilliant! That's awesome well done! Yes, which ones?

J x

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nabbit

  • Friday 27th January 2017, 8:38am
  • United Kingdom
  • 21 posts

I got a one-liner on (about the wheelchair/bus legal case). Actually came up with this very early last week and feared it was old news. Really pleased to get something else on after my beginner's luck two series ago. Determined to get another sketch in this series though.

Angela was really good. Loved her Peggy Mitchell!
(Shame she pronounced my name wrong in the credits: Nish got it right!)

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Bonzo

  • Friday 27th January 2017, 8:41am
  • London, England
  • 694 posts

Congratulations Nabbit! :)

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GoWithIt

  • Friday 27th January 2017, 8:41am
  • United Kingdom
  • 113 posts
Quote: nabbit @ 27th January 2017, 8:38 AM

I got a one-liner on (about the wheelchair/bus legal case). Actually came up with this very early last week and feared it was old news. Really pleased to get something else on after my beginner's luck two series ago. Determined to get another sketch in this series though.

Angela was really good. Loved her Peggy Mitchell!
(Shame she pronounced my name wrong in the credits: Nish got it right!)

That's brilliant! Good work!!! I'm just listening to it now, her Peggy Mitchell was very good!

J x

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Bonzo

  • Friday 27th January 2017, 8:42am
  • London, England
  • 694 posts

We went to the recording and she was fabulous! :)

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steve by any other name

  • Friday 27th January 2017, 11:04am
  • Northampton, England
  • 831 posts
Quote: Bonzo @ 27th January 2017, 8:02 AM

Congratulations! Which was yours? :)

Thanks for the congrats both!

Milton Keynes turning 50 was mine, a bit out there but was trying to avoid all of them being Trump related.

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MargateSteve

  • Friday 27th January 2017, 11:27am
  • United Kingdom
  • 20 posts

Here are my failed attempts from this week. Any feedback (including 'they are rubbish') welcomed. The sketch is admittedly weak as I struggled to come up with anything until I had about half hour left, but I thought couple of the one-liners had a chance.

BREAKING NEWS:
The day after Trumps inauguration, Kim Jong Un flew out for a two-week holiday in the Bahamas, as it is the first time since he came to power that he has been able to take some time off work knowing there is another leader capable of keeping the nuclear threat alive.

Despite half a million people joining the woman's march in Washington, in protest at the perceived yet blatant sexism of the new President, Trump himself was unmoved as they were only women and were probably just a day late for his inauguration due to getting lost or not having their husbands to help them.

Declassified papers show that following tests on Uri Gellar, the CIA concluded that he did have psychic powers but no clear results had been obtained. He is that good.

NUMBER CRUNCHING
2.3%: The average recent price rise in UK train fares.
2.3%: The average satisfaction rating of Southern and Southeastern rail users.

19: The number of series to date of Celebrity Big Brother.
0.19: The average number of actual celebrities per series of Celebrity Big Brother.

250: The number of goals Wayne Rooney has scored for Manchester United
250: The cost and age of a good night out for Wayne Rooney.

THE BIRTH OF THE TRIDENT COVER-UP

INTRO: The Sunday Times has revealed that a test firing of the UK's nuclear weapons system saw an unarmed Trident missile heading towards the United States back in June. Amidst talk of a cover up, with a £40billion Trident renewal deal just around the corner, who would have wanted to have to make that phone call.
FX: PHONE RINGING FOLLOWED BY SOUND OF LIFTING OLD FASHIONED HANDEST
MICHAEL FALLON (MF): Fallon
MAN: (NERVOUSLY) Er. Hello Mr Fallon.
MF: I supposed you have just called to tell me about yet another successful Trident test. Five since the year 2000 don't you know?
MAN: Well, it is about Trident but there has been a bit of a hiccup.
MF: What do you mean hiccup? A hiccup is trying to make a cake and realising you have run out of flour. We are talking about a £17million nuclear warhead.
MAN: It was unarmed.
MF: That's not the point. We have people on our backs over having nuclear weapons and we are just about to sign the paperwork on a new deal. This could be a disaster. What was it. Did it fail to launch?
MAN: No, no. It launched perfectly well. For a few seconds.
BEAT
MAN: (QUIETLY) Before it veered off course.
FX: SOUND OF A DRINK BEING SPRAYED OUT OF A MOUTH
MF: (SHOUTING) It what?
MAN: Before it veered off course Mr Fallon.
MF: (SHOUTING louder) Veered off course? Oh my god. Where did it head towards? Not North Korea?
MAN: No, not North Korea.
MF: Thank goodness. Actually, it could not have been otherwise we would not be here to talk about by now. So where did it head towards?
MAN: The United States sir. Does the Prime Minister need to be informed?
MF: No, no. He is out of there soon and he really does not care. He would probably tell the Americans to stir things up for a laugh. And Corbyn. Oh god. If Corbyn found out he will go all anti-arms again. Complete media blackout. Do not tell a soul and brief your men likewise.
MAN: OK sir.

MF: United States eh? Bugger. Is Boris still out there?
MAN: Not sure sir.
MF: Shame. Otherwise I would have given the order to let it carry on.
MAN: The missile has already come down sir. As far as we know, it was never picked up by US radar so I think they are unaware of the incident.
MF: Good, lets keep it that way. If any questions are asked, tell them you know nothing but you saw some Russian looking blokes aiming a big tube in their direction.
MAN: OK sir.
MF: In all fairness though, the Americans are usually quite reasonable and would see it as a mistake. I am sure Hilary will keep that going. Thank god Trump isn't going to win, otherwise he might fire one back.

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Will Cam

  • Friday 27th January 2017, 11:39am
  • England
  • 7180 posts

I agree with Bonzo - the Dog/Cat sketch was the best of a pretty good bunch.

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