Come together, right now, over me...
Classic

What did Eddie Cockrun do at the party? Come on everybody.

I think my mother is buying a CD. She says she wants to get her hands on some randy new man.

Shopping's unfair. Lady asks a guy to reach up and get him the tomatoes, he says, 'Of course.' Guy asks a lady to reach up and get him a 'Razzle', she tells him to f**k off. Sexist.

I was pinning a charity badge on this lady and I told her she might feel a small prick.

Got a slap!? Charity badge?

What is it with women these days?

Cannibal lost a vomiting contest. Brought up the rear.

I told this woman she'd be getting 6 inches in the night..

Got another slap!? Snow!!

It's not my fault the weathers bad?

I think my mother's taken up boxing. She says she got a good pounding in the ring.

What's the difference between the Spice Girls' reunion and my mother's knickers? The reunion MIGHT be on.

I told this woman I liked milk straight from Brest..

Got another slap! Brest, love (I said) it's a city in Belarus, love..

Women, what are they like..

What's the difference between words and dicks? You can take the words out of my mother's mouth.

Remembrance Day. When is it?

You know how they say a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet, well this also applies to a homeless guy I know called Herbie Shyte-Pants

Yesterday I jerked off 53 times. It was Palm Sunday.

I didn't want to talk about my mother's hysterectomy, but the twat's out of the bag.