Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 26th January 2016, 6:28 PM GMT

I tried to combine the ethos of Schroedinger with that of Occam.

I ended up with this:

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Very clever.

I should receive a Valentine card this year.
I sent it in plenty of time.

I tried computer dating, but I don't find computers attractive.

I can't think of a joke today, so here is a sentence:

Hot girls strip to be cool.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 27th January 2016, 9:38 AM GMT

I tried computer dating, but I don't find computers attractive.

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Quote: billwill @ 27th January 2016, 12:46 PM GMT

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Where's her USB port. And is it shaved?

Is it so wrong to masturbate to that?

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 27th January 2016, 7:33 PM GMT

Is it so wrong to masturbate to that?

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Only if you don't get a stack overflow.

(Only computer nerds will get that)

On a Mexican toilet roll:

One hundred sheets.

It said in the bog, 'Put only issue paper down the toilet.' So I shat on the floor.

My wife shouted "make me a snack!"

So I cut her up and put her in a sandwich.

I love porn. I stick to it.

What's the difference between criticism and massive dicks? My mother doesn't take criticism lying down.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 29th January 2016, 11:54 AM GMT

What's the difference between criticism and massive dicks? My mother doesn't take criticism lying down.

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I'm very worried about how many of your jokes involve sex and your mum and dad.

Do you want to talk about it?

Incest porn. Family viewing.
Most of my jokes are about incest, masturbation and the Spice Girls. I know you shouldn't make jokes about the Spice Girls.