I accidentally went into a brothel instead of the restaurant and I asked the maître d' for pulled pork.
She said 'room 5'

Yesterday I stalled my car.
It freaked the horses out.

I've got a pain that won't go away.
(I'm shielding the screen, because she's sitting next to me.)

There's a shop on my street where you can buy tiny clothes to put on rabbits.
It's a hare-dressers.

When my Grandad's will was read out, I knew I wasn't his favourite.
He left me all his debts.

When I took my underpants off in front of my new girlfriend, she laughed.
I'll take that.

Bizarre thing happened today, my car broke down.
It just started crying.

I took my gym coach to a night club, but they wouldn't let him in.
They said "Sorry. No trainers."

I jumped over a ten foot wall in one bound and thought "Oh my God, I've left the gas on."
I'm a Ninja Worrier.

I was trying on my wife's silk underwear, when she came home unexpectedly.
She was mad. She shouted, "For Heaven's sake! Yours are the frilly lace ones!"

Liked the Ninja Worrier one.

Just stalked you and saw you are about as prolific a blogger as me!

Stalled and worrier definitely the best.

When I took my underpants off in front of my new girlfriend, she laughed.
I'll take that.

Didn't get this one though?

Quote: playfull @ 13th January 2016, 3:37 PM GMT

When I took my underpants off in front of my new girlfriend, she laughed.
I'll take that.

Didn't get this one though?

View original

I meant- I'll accept any laugh. :-)

Short jokes.
Heightist.

A story: My wife has been to the hairdressers for some subtle colouring.

Well, that's the highlights.

Was the hairdressers on the second floor?

That would be another story.

I saw an actor in a nearby glade. Glenn Close.

What is your name and where do you live?

Laurence Olivier

***

a bird in a paper bag.

Russel Crowe.

I went to the Hip Hop Hairdressers
Dr Dre does the Cuts & Sean Combs

***

Who modifies your chromosomes?

Gene Hackman.

***

I've seen Charles Dance, but I've never seen Christopher Walken.

I said to my girlfriend, "Can't you do something about your weight?"

She said, "You're fattist."

I said "No, you're fattest!"

Quote: Reg N @ 15th January 2016, 12:25 PM GMT

I said to my girlfriend, "Can't you do something about your weight?"

She said, "You're fattist."

I said "No, you're fattest!"

View original

Yay.... one I really like.

And nice to see ya chops Reg.