Quote: Scott Evans @ July 2, 2007, 1:17 AMEd, are you wanting to be involved in the rewrite and combination of the two Barstewards scripts?
Yes.
I have some ideas which I will put up for discussion tomorrow. If that's okay. I love the format and the flexibility of the project. I've not worked with other people before so I'm a little new at this. Sorry.
I'll look forward to reading what idea's you have. Once we narrow down who is in the writing group and what direction we want to take with the characters and storylines we'll start planning out how to start the rewrite.
Maybe we should come up with a writing group name, like Monty Python did, we could be called The Barstewards (or any names suggested) and give the script a fresh new name?
In the past the scripts have gone under these names
Barstools and Locals
Come Again
The Barsteward
Benny Slapsticks amazing family of under achieveing fluke taunting drink teasing wonders....in a seaside pub
Quote: Scott Evans @ July 2, 2007, 4:22 PMBenny Slapsticks amazing family of under achieveing fluke taunting drink teasing wonders....in a seaside pub
That name would certainly grab attention.
Once we've established the characters and the story, I think a name will come to us.
Ok
I absolutely love this and I think the whole premise is excellent. It's fast and doesn't dwell on an idea too long.
Sex with a midget - if these are umpa lumpas, I think the thing would be to make them as similar without actually infringing the wrath of Wonka. So perhaps they are green? this makes a whole thing about green midgets and may make the green midget line even stronger.
the news bulletin could be really good; I think there is scope for badly faked pictures here, for two reasons A) They're funny and B) Legal reasons. I think if you have a Fox-type newscaster and badly put together video it is even funnier. Almost a Captain Pugwash rip off but with Tony Blairs' cabinet.
The scene after the glueing of the masn' hand - there is scope again here I think Maybe we fade on him desperately trying to get the ring off after the "We'll never be engaged" line to the actual interview, where his finger is missing and he is covered in blood. He goes to shake hands. etc.
The talking penis thing also has mileage. I can see thie developing nicely where the owner is actually trying to do other things and his penis keeps interupting. Trying to give speech, buying a tent etc. Obviously there's also mileage in a lot of entendres
The fat women coming to the pub could be accompianed by music, say teh Six Million Dollar Man on the Tuba
Hold on, I'll post more in a moment
Ok. I think the best thing fo rme to do is to combine the two and then post it up for you to have a look at.
I would like to think my comments have some merit!!!
Ed those are really fantastic suggestions, really good and if you want a crack at combinding the two then please go ahead because you obviously have a vision on how it should go and it sounds great.
Ed wrote "The talking penis thing also has mileage. I can see thie developing nicely where the owner is actually trying to do other things and his penis keeps interupting. Trying to give speech, buying a tent etc. Obviously there's also mileage in a lot of entendres"
Like we were saying earlier, Ben (the name of Barsteward in the original and more sane verison of the main character) should be the calm at the centre of the storm, he is doing everything in his powers to create a great business but he feels everyone is against him, even his own penis! He is trying to get on with business and it takes on a mind of its own and every now and again ,not often and just for a second it shows signs of being a gay penis even though Ben is 100% hetrosexual so this really freaks him out!
Barsteward from the sketch scipt show be morphed into the brother charater, he is pretty selfish and thoughtless and when he does eventually try to help (Pied Piper scene) he just ruins everything, just when Ben finally thought he had it all sorted.
Just for clarity I'm gonna give the characters names so we all know who we are refering to, please say anyone if you prefere a different character name to the one given
Main Character: Ben Barsteward
Bens brother:
Ed those are really fantastic suggestions, really good and if you want a crack at combinding the two then please go ahead because you obviously have a vision on how it should go and it sounds great.
Ed wrote "The talking penis thing also has mileage. I can see thie developing nicely where the owner is actually trying to do other things and his penis keeps interupting. Trying to give speech, buying a tent etc. Obviously there's also mileage in a lot of entendres"
Like we were saying earlier, Ben (the name of Barsteward in the original and more sane verison of the main character) should be the calm at the centre of the storm, he is doing everything in his powers to create a great business but he feels everyone is against him, even his own penis! He is trying to get on with business and it takes on a mind of its own and every now and again ,not often and just for a second it shows signs of being a gay penis even though Ben is 100% hetrosexual so this really freaks him out!
Barsteward from the sketch scipt show be morphed into the brother charater, he is pretty selfish and thoughtless and when he does eventually try to help (Pied Piper scene) he just ruins everything, just when Ben finally thought he had it all sorted.
Just for clarity I'm gonna give the characters names so we all know who we are refering to, please say anyone if you prefere a different character name to the one given
Main Character: Ben Barsteward
Bens brother:
Bens brother: Antony Barsteward
The Priest barman: Father Zack
Mother: Marion
Father: Geoffery
Barman: Toony
Barmaid: Jasmine
Quote: Scott Evans @ July 3, 2007, 12:44 AMMain Character: Ben Barsteward
Bens brother: Antony Barsteward
The Priest barman: Father Zack
Mother: Marion
Father: Geoffery
Barman: Toony
Barmaid: Jasmine
I think Ben would maybe want to be refered to as Benjamin as it's more formal. Antony would like to know as Tony beacuse he think's it's cooler. I would call the Priest Geoffery and the Father Zack as I think that sounds better.
I agree about Ben, he wants everyone to call him Benjamin but instead they just call him Benny which he hates. I thought we'd call the Priest Zack because the priest is quite young and cool, in fact nothing like a priest and the name reflects that. The father I called Geoffery cos I just have this imagine of the mother bellowing it every now and again when she is searching for her drunken clothe heap husband.
I'm looking forward to reading Eds script combination
Hi (again)
Been kind of toying around with ideas and the like....
ACT ONE
EXT./ESTAB. SEAGULL PUB
INT. SEAGULL PUB - SAME
Ben sits staring at his pint. Anthony sits next to him.
ANTHONY
It’s only yourself you’re fooling, you know.
BEN
I know.
ANTHONY
One drink and that’s it. You’re back on the bottle.
BEN
Yes, I know. It’s just that...I’ve had some really good times...
CUT TO:
MONTAGE
We see Ben skipping through the fields on a bright day, the camera pulls out to reveal a huge glass of lager skipping next to him. Cut to Ben, putting down scrabble tiles and rubbing his hands. Pull out the pint glass is sat opposite him, stroking it’s chin and looking at the letters. Cut to Ben driving a camper van. The Pint glass is giving directions from a map. Cut to Ben in bed, smoking a cigarette, again, the pint glass is there. Ben rolls over for a cuddle.
CUT TO:
INT. SEAGULL PUB - AS BEFORE
Ben is looking at teh glass. He shakes his head to get teh vision out of it.
ANTHONY
I was a lot like you when I gave up smoking. I went through a very tough period. But I came through it.
BEN
I just...this is my only vice.
ANTHONY
Apart from wanking.
BEN
Oh, well, of course apart from wanking. I just...AA is a big step.
Jasmine comes over
JASMINE
You still not drinking?
ANTHONY
Nope. Still going strong.
JASMINE
Are you going to the AA meetings?
Ben looks annoyed
BEN
You told her?
ANTHONY
Hey, I may have said something. I kept it ona need to know basis.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Anthony is standing up in througha sunroof with a megaphone. We then see him at a bustop putting up a poster.
CUT TO:
SEAGULL PUB
ANTHONY
I didn’t say anything to anyone who didn’t need to know. What do they do at these meetings anyway?
BEN
We just sit around and say how much we haven’t had to drink.
CUT TO:
INT - A.A. MEETING
A small circle of people sat around
MAN
I am telling you, I had so little to drink last night. Nothing. Nothing at all. I can remember everything.
The small group applauds
WOMAN
I was the same. I was totally on my face. I got in at nine o’clock. Nine!
MAN2
Me too. I definately didn’t drink anything, drop my pants and head off up the mountain for some late night cattle rustling. (BEAT) I said I didn’t.
They heave a sigh of relief.
CUT TO:
SEAGULL PUB
Ben looks at his pint. He pushes it away
ANTHONY
Good lad.
Ben gets up and puts his jacket on.
BEN
I’d better get off.
He leaves. Anthony grabs Bens’ pint for himself. Jasmine looks at him
ANTHONY
What? Be rude not to.
And another bit...
INT - A.A.
The meeting has one or two new faces, who look rather nervous.
NIGEL
Hi.
BEN
Hi.
NIGEL
I’m...new here.
BEN
What’s the? Foreign? Newhere?
NIGEL
No. New, here.
BEN
Oh, I see. Ben.
NIGEL
Ben. I used to have a dog called Ben.
BEN
Yeah, it’s not like I got a patent on the name, you know. Not like I’m the only person allowed to be called Ben.
Nigel looks at him
NIGEL
You’re quite a hostile person, aren’t you?
In Bens’ minds eye we see him standing on the chair with Nigels’ severed head in his hand, holding it up by the hair while the others applaud. Back to reality.
BEN
No.
NIGEL
I’m not looking forward to admitting I have a problem.
BEN
We all have to do it. It’s part of the process. You have to admit you need help before you can help yourself.
NIGEL
I’m not sure I can.
BEN
Well f**k off then.
Nigel gets up and leaves. Ben watches him go. Lucian comes in from anotehr door and rings his little bell
LUCIAN
So then, I want to welcome you all to this weeks’ meeting. And I especially want to welcome my brother...oh, he’s gone. Oh well. Now, Govinda, how have youbeen getting on?
GOVINDA
My wife made me chicken in a white wine sauce.
LUCIEN
Oh dear. Was that your only slip?
GOVINDA
Yes. Apart from teh duck in port, the beef marinated in gin and the pot noodle / with Jack daniels. And the Smirnoff sandwiches.
Lucien nods.
LUCIEN
We all have little wobbles.
I didn't know we were doing dialogue yet. I thought we would just be developing characters and a plot for now?
No, nothing was planned but Ed had an idea and wanted to post it, just gonna read it in a sec
Quote: Scott Evans @ July 4, 2007, 10:31 PMNo, nothing was planned but Ed had an idea and wanted to post it, just gonna read it in a sec
I just wanted to see how I could develop things organically, because that's how I like to work. The dialogue isn't fixed. I just wanted to try out a few things and see how they sit.
As you know I was going to join in but got bogged down with loads of other projects. Is it nearly complete though cos rather read the bits and pieces I'dlike to see the finished thing in its entirety.