I went to a small fete held by the hospitals psychiatric ward.

It was a little bazaar.

Doctor, doctor, I've got bleeding hemorrhoids coming out of my ass

Are you fissure!

Yes, I'm 'fissure' you insensitive bastard!

PATIENT: Doctor, doctor.... I keep thinking I'm a time traveller..

DOCTOR: Get plenty of rest, and take 2 of these pills last Thursday.

last 2 were both excellent

I'm going to write a new nihilist drama about an NHS emergency ward, where all the patients are responsible for their own suffering. Causality

Quote: sootyj @ 26th August 2014, 10:26 AM BST

I'm going to write a new nihilist drama about an NHS emergency ward, where all the patients are responsible for their own suffering. Causality

View original

Mines about a Doctor from Rome who eschews the normal uniform regulations.
casualeyetie

Seeing if I can get this one to work. Any suggestions?

My great, great granddad used to follow all the trends. A popular ensemble group on horse and cart asked him to join them. That was one bandwagon he didn't jump on.

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I took the subway recently. It was so hot and crowded. Jesus, I mean I had to push and shove JUST to get a bit of breathing space.

I would have enjoyed that space a bit more if it wasn't for the midget in the tracks screaming for help.

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I read recently somewhere that muslim immigrants in Sweden had beaten and raped a Swedish girl.

The problem is that there is a huge culture difference between muslim immigrants and native Swedes.

On the one hand, you have the RELATIVES of a bunch of backwards, violent, tribesmen with long beards whose only goal was to terrorize the western world, and on the other hand you have muslim immigrants.

Quote: CallumS @ 26th August 2014, 11:53 PM BST

Seeing if I can get this one to work. Any suggestions?

My great, great granddad used to follow all the trends. A popular ensemble group on horse and cart asked him to join them. That was one bandwagon he didn't jump on.

View original

It works. I wouldn't open on this one, but maybe try it out on a few open mics in the course of your sets.

It doesn't really work for me because you've just described exactly what "jumping on the bandwagon" means - climbing onto a truck carrying musicians! It has of course been adapted as a metaphor, but I think you have to do a little more than just revert to the original to make it into a joke.

Yup Gappys right over explanation kills jokes stone dead, you need a big old element of surprise.

My granddad was in the Guiness book of records for jumping on carts pulled by horses, especially famous ones.
The Beatles, the Stones, the Who.
He couldn't resist jumping on a band wagon.

Why did the Manchester United fan cross the road?

To enquire about ticket prices at the Etihad.

Quote: CallumS @ 26th August 2014, 11:53 PM BST

Seeing if I can get this one to work. Any suggestions?

My great, great granddad used to follow all the trends. A popular ensemble group on horse and cart asked him to join them. That was one bandwagon he didn't jump on.

View original

Right, first of all what's the vital phrase in this joke?

IMHO it's "One bandwagon he didn't jump on" although this is not an easily recognisable phrase, an audience will take valuable (micro)seconds interpreting this (there's a reason successful one-liners use stereotypes, clichés, famous slogans, etc), it's a slightly odd corruption of the phrase "jump on the bandwagon" which would be a better phrase to try to hang a joke onto.

So, we have a joke which needs to end "jump on the bandwagon", so how can we reverse engineer this?

Now a joke needs to have a switch of some description, the audience need to be thinking about one thing when you, as the joke teller, actually mean something else entirely.

Also, why make it your "great, great granddad"? Is that vital to the joke or just confusing detail? Remember, anything that doesn't add to the joke detracts.

Personally I would make it "granddad", why confuse matters further AND repeat an unnecessary word?

Here's my first attempt...

"My granddad always followed the latest trends, he was one of the first people to see the Beatles on a stagecoach and he immediately jumped on the bandwagon"

I still don't think it's a particularly strong joke, it could be tweaked further or perhaps changed in someway, personally I might try to make a pun from "bandwagon/banned wagon" or possibly reverse it.

"My granddad was always one for jumping on the bandwagon, which got him arrested when the Beatles toured (on a stagecoach)"

I've put "on a stagecoach" in brackets because you might find that it's not needed for the audience to get the gag.

Most of the time there will be a (half)decent joke there, you just need to play around with it, hone it, edit some words out or perhaps add a bit of a "bridge" (usually to help with rhythm).

nowthat's some weapon grade advice worth pinning if BCG does such things.

But my definite 2 bits of advice on jokes is.

1 End on the last word of the punchline.

2 Don't give the game away, your audience should be surprised by the punchline so never explain.