I came here to drink milk and kick ass... and I've just finished my milk.

Moss (Richard Ayoade). accepts a game of Street Countdown in episode 4.2

Hello, I'd like to order a pizza please (giggles to himself)... and can I have it with extra grapes? (giggles even more)

Roy (Chris O'Dowd). Roy prank calls a pizza delivery company in episode 2.6

Prepare to put mustard on those words, for you will soon be consuming them along with this slice of humble pie, that comes direct from the oven of shame, set at gas mark 'egg on your face'.

Moss (Richard Ayoade) in episode 2.5

Jen: What do you want then?

Douglas: Er... something work related.

Jen: What department is this?

Douglas: Sorry?

Jen: Well, if it's work related you'd obviously know what department this is. What department is this?

Douglas: (looking at Roy and Moss) Some sort of homosexual department?

Jen sees through Douglas' excuse in episode 2.3

Jen: Nooooo, Richmond, you are NOT coming to the funeral!

Richmond: What funeral?

Jen misinterprets Richmond's dress sense in episode 2.2

Hope it doesn't sound arrogant, when I say that I am the greatest man in the world!

Denholm Reynholm (Chris Morris) in episode 2.2

Jen: The story of a young man trying to find his sexuality... Warning. Includes scenes of graphic homo-eroticism.

Moss: Augh, no! ... It's set in the 80's!

Jen and Moss reading the poster for the gay musical in episode 2.1

Roy: Moss, how would you feel about a big girls night out?

Moss: That depends Roy. How big are the girls?

Roy: I can't believe there's a psychiatrist in the building. All because those two from accounts just had enough of everything and wanted to go to the seaside.

Moss: The seaside? They committed suicide, Roy.

Roy: We don't need no education.

Moss: Yes you do. You've just used a double negative.

Moss corrects Roy's singing in episode 1.4

Roy: Really? You do the whole Lonely Hearts thing?

Moss: I'm a 32 year old IT-man who works in a basement. Yes, I do the whole Lonely Hearts thing!

JEN? Is Roy off the phone yet? The spider is now upon my person.

Moss (Richard Ayoade) in episode 1.3

Dear Sir stroke Madam, I am writing to inform you of a fire which has broken out on the premises of... no, that's too formal.

Dear Sir stroke Madam. Fire... exclamation mark. Fire... exclamation mark. Help me... exclamation mark. 123 Carrendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. All the best, Maurice Moss.

Moss (Richard Ayoade). Moss emails the Fire Brigade in episode 1.2

Ow. Four! I mean, five! I mean, fire!

Moss (Richard Ayoade) in episode 1.2

Roy: How hard is it to remember 911?

Moss: You mean 999.

That's the sort of place this is, Jen. A lot of sexy people not doing much work and having affairs.

Denholm Reynholm (Chris Morris). Denholm explains to Jen what the upstairs is like in episode 1.1

I can see why she's divorced, she's very divorceable. As soon as you meet her you can't wait to take her to court to get rid of her.

Moss (Richard Ayoade)

They should call dates "spend some time with a big fat loser!"

Jen (Katherine Parkinson)