Yorkshire MP Alan B'Stard has the largest majority in the House of Commons, and an ego to match. He's vulgar, often dimwitted, sexually incompetent, uncaring, ruthless and generally loathsome all-round: a perfect combination for a public figure on the brink of power.

Aside from the regular abuse and ritual humiliation of fellow Conservative MP Sir Piers Fletcher-Dervish - a wholly childlike, effeminate man - Alan's primary concerns and interests are himself, the acquisition of wealth, himself, women, increasing his power and influence, and himself.