Tell us a joke Page 62

How much does it cost to go to a Sealife Centre where the animals aren't well looked after?

Six quid.

How much does it cost to go to a selfie centre? Nothing but you can only take yourself.

Quote: Chappers @ 7th August 2014, 9:59 PM BST

How much does it cost to go to a Sealife Centre where the animals aren't well looked after?

Six quid.

I think you need to say it the other way in print:

Sick Squid.

It was one of the pub-type questions at one of our club BBQs a few weeks ago.

I had squid dipped in honey and lightly battered and dusted with castor sugar at that BBQ Bill. It was a Calamari Dessert.

After a long day at work, I like nothing better than opening a beer and popping in a little bit of sandpaper.

It helps take the edge off.

Just watched some pencil porn.

Had to rub one out.

It looks like Celtic have the strongest defence in this seasons champions league.

UEFA.

Atlas walks into a bar.

The barman says - "Have a seat mate, you look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders."

I dated medusas ex girlfriend

She was a stone cold bitch

A Vermont inventor has perfected the art of making "Selfie" toasters. Now everyone is eager to be in bread.

The son of God walks into a bar and begins moaning about his past.

The barman says - "Jesus mate, we've all got crosses to bare, give it a rest."

Q: How do you use the word "outré" in a sentence?

A: Pretentiously.

I'm sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion.

She's single handily ruining my balloon animal business.

Your voice is really effeminate.
I know. I gotta man up.

(sorry :$ )

Quote: Nick81 @ 9th August 2014, 10:32 AM BST

I'm sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion.

She's single handily ruining my balloon animal business.

You over inflated the value of the business

Dad, after I die will I be remembered for what I've done?
I don't know, Onan.