Sick incest jokes;

Grandmotherf**kers!

Priests are anti-abortion. The more kids, the better.

I'd like some opinions on this from my fellow comedy conspirators.

***
A man walks into a convenience store and asks for apples.
The shop assistant is from another country, and where he lives, apple is the word for condom.
"How many would you like?" asks the assistant.
"Oh about four or five," says the customer. "Enough to last me through the week."
"Lucky man!" says the assistant.
"Could I have three green and three red please?"
"Whatever you fancy," says the assistant.
"I like Granny Smith," says the customer.
"Oh, you've heard about her as well have you? Are you sure six is enough?"
"Well, I usually have one after my lunch, and I might give my daughter one."
"Your daughter?" The assistant's eyes widen.
"Yes, she's only six, but she loves the juice."
"Get out of my shop. I am calling the police."

***
Now, have I written some (not very) clever wordplay? Or a horrible peadophile joke?

It's funny but the set-up is contrived. It'd be better as a comedy of misunderstanding where one person's talking about apples and the other thinks it's condoms and vice versa - like http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/5391/. P.S. Tell me to f**k off if you like.

Comedy of misunderstanding is what I was going for. It's more of a sketch than a joke, as I wasn't aiming for a killer punch line. I could have replaced 'my daughter' with 'my grandmother, she's got no teeth but she knows how to suck' or something, but it doesn't really sit well, because I've already had the Granny Smith bit and we are talking about condoms, not blow jobs.
I just keep digging to find the gold, bound to be some horse shit on the way.

Sarah Jessica Parker's working on a new series. I heard it straight from the horse's mouth.

My grandmother's chair is, like, totally awesome. It ROCKS!

If she puts wheels on it it will ROLL as well.

Not mine but I like it: Noel Gallagher in a café, 'I'd like some soup.' - 'Anything else?' - 'I wanna roll with it.'

Berlusconi cried in public and it shocked a nation. First time fluid squirted outa his EYES.

imo:
Bought a colony of bees, When they arrived, they weren't bees, they were wasps.

I Hate getting stung like this!!!!

My Girlfriend just left me say all I do is say positive things!
But on the bright side, I'm single again! smile emoticon

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 4th July 2015, 11:37 PM BST

Bought a colony of bees, online from Nigeria. When they arrived, they weren't bees, they were wasps.

Turns out I'd been stung.

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I heard an insistent buzzing from my dad's car. He always did have a bee in his bonnet.

I got a cake, a pie and some candy. Sweet!

I got two armchairs and a sofa. Suite!